Part 4: "Show Your Moves"

(Commercial Fades In)
(Wizpig is sitting in a seat in a restuarant. (Don't ask me how he fit.) He unwraps his new Supreme Double Decker Mustard BBQ Sauce Bacon Cheeseburger. (Without the bacon.) Bottles walks by him and asks...)
BOTTLES: HEY! Is that the new Supreme Double Decker Mustard BBQ Sauce Bacon Cheeseburger?
WIZPIG: Without the bacon...Yes.
BOTTLES: I'll give you five dollars for it.
KIRBY: I'll give you TEN...NO ELEVEN dollars for it.
TOOTY: I'll give FIFTEEN dollars for it.
LAKITU: Oh yeah? I'll give you A HUNDRED dollars for it.
CRASH: I'll give you a Playstation for it. (Wizpig grabs Crash and throws him in the trash.)
MARIO: I'll give you a Nintendo 64.
LUIGI: I'll give you all Nintendos.
BOWSER: I'll give you the Koopa Kingdom.
DONKEY KONG: I'll get you your own game.
LINK: I'll get you your own game series.
ZELDA: I'll get all these people off your back.
LARA CROFT: I'll marry you. (Wizpig just stares in awe.)
SUPERMAN: I'll trade our powers.
RAREWARE: We'll give you Rareware.
SAMUS: I'll kill all of your enemies.
MEN IN BLACK: We'll leave you alone.
NICK DIAMOND AND JOHNNY GOMEZ: We'll put you on our show.
OPRAH WINFREY: I'll put you on MY show.
CAPTAIN FALCOLN: I'll let you help sponsor the Diddy Kong Racing 5000. (Wizpig was about to accept when Taj flew in.)
TAJ: I'll let you RACE in it.
WIZPIG: REALLY?! (Taj smiles hard.)
(Black screen covers up. The words Diddy Kong Racing 5000 are placed on it. The sounds of a car driving by can be heard.)
(Commercial fades out and we're back to the race.)
BANJO: What a stupid little commercial.
WIZPIG: Actually, before Taj called all of you, that really happened. Someone just recorded it and we paid him so we could use it as a commercial. (All of the DKR characters angrily stare at Taj, who is munching down on a Supreme Double Decker Mustard BBQ Sauce Bacon Cheeseburger without bacon.)
TAJ: Man it takes a long time to eat this thing, but it could use some bacon though. OH, we're back. Ahem, our first stage will be Dragon Forest from Timber's island. Racers, you have two minutes to get ready.
(In Banjo's car.)
BANJO: Alright, Kazooie?
KAZOOIE: What's up?
BANJO: Did you fix this car properly?
KAZOOIE: Yep, sure did.
BANJO: Alright, let's check. I'll press the windshield wipers button. (Banjo presses the button and two egg missiles are fired at Master Hand. He's not hurt, but turns around and looks like he's mad.)
KAZOOIE: Uh, (Looks behind the car) King Dedede did it!
DEDEDE: Did what?
MASTER HAND: (To Dedede) You shall cease to be. (Master Hand floats over to Dedede.)
DEDEDE: Hey, what'd I do?!
(Back in Banjo's car.)
BANJO: KAZOOIE! You switch the buttons' control.
KAZOOIE: Whoops.
BANJO: Now we don't know what button does what.
KAZOOIE: It's your fault for puttin' that stupid self- destruct button in here.
BANJO: Nyuh oh. I forgot about that button. And one of these will activate it.
(Wizpig sneaks a portal of Grunty.)
WIZPIG: Time to race, witch. We'll be in Dragon Forest. Are you set?
GRUNTY: Sure thing, friend. I'm on my way. Banjo and Kazooie will surely pay.
WIZPIG: Don't forget the other racers. Wizpig out.
(Meanwhile on Epona)
LINK: All set, Samus?
SAMUS: Yep.
LINK: Good. Ready, Epona?
EPONA: Neigh.
LINK: Alright, then.
(Navi the fairy pops out of Link's hat.)
NAVI: Hey! What can I do?
LINK: SHUT UP, and keep you job!
NAVI: Why did I ever agree to work with you?
(At 2WD)
YOSHI: Ready, Pikachu?
PIKACHU: PIKA! Pika Pikachu?
2WD: I'm ready. How about you, Yoshi?
YOSHI: I was born ready.
(At the plunger car.)
LUIGI: Ready, Mario?
MARIO: No, but I'll race anyway.
(In the brown and yellow car)
TOOTY: Ready, Dixie?
DIXIE: Yeah, what about you?
TOOTY: Ready.
KIDDY: (Pops out from the back seat.) I'm ready too.
BOTH GIRLS: GAH! WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' HERE?!
KIDDY: (Licking a lollypop.) Hey, I still know about ya'll. Besides, I've never raced in a car before.
DIXIE: And this is the REAL reason why he's in DKC 3. He just followed me, but not today...GET OUT!
KIDDY: As you wish. (He walks out and sees the dragon head car.) Hey, is that Donkey Kong? DONKEY KON- (The girls pull him back in.)
KIDDY: Sheesh, make up your minds.
DIXIE: Alright, fine you can stay.
(In the dragon car.)
WARIO: What's wrong Donkey?
DK Jr.: Who me?
WARIO: Not you. The other one.
DK: (Scratching his head) I could've sworn I just heard Kiddy.
BOWSER: Ya'll ready or not?
OTHERS: Ready.
(Steve is just laying there.)
(Trevelyan's reloading his bullets. Snuggles and James Bond reload their tanks. The Flying Krock and the Great Fox have an angry staring contest.)
(Mumbo's preparing himself for driving. Kirby checks his car, or TAC. Killer Instinct characters snicker to themselves.)
(The DKR bosses are taking their positions. Boggy checks his sleigh.)
TAJ: ALL RIGHT! TIME'S UP!
KRUNCH: HEY, but the narration never got to the DKR racers yet!
DIDDY: Not to mention that mysterious car over there.
TAJ: All right, Captain Falcon?!
FALCON: Yes, Taj?
TAJ: The rest I leave to you. (Taj floats over into the background and watches Captain Falcon with a keen eye.)
(Soflty to himself) Yeah, and you better get it right too. I've spent too much money on this race to have it fail.
FALCON: All right, racers! START YOUR ENGINES!
(Loud engine sounds can be heard all over.)
FALCON: Open the doors to Dragon Forest! (The doors open.) DON'T FORGET! SHOW YOUR MOVES! READY!..........SET!......GO!
(Falcon gets the heck out of the way and all of the racers speed out into Dragon Forest, except...)
FALCON: Hey you, what're you doin'?! Didn't you hear me? It's time to race.
STEVE: Oh I'm just givin' all of them a good head start.
FALCON: Fool. You're gonna lose.
STEVE: Don't worry. I'll catch up. Go...a...head.
FALCON: Hmph. Whatever.
TAJ: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. THIS IS RACE HAS STARTED. WERE MOVING OUR CAMERAS TO DRAGON FOREST NOW. NOW WE'LL GET A GLIMPSE OF THE PERSON OR TEAM THAT'S IN FIRST PLACE RIGHT NOW.
(Camera focuses)
TAJ: And it's...TREVELYAN?! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THIS FOOL IS JUST RUNNIN' AND HE'S BEATIN' EVERYBODY. BUT WAIT A MINUTE. HERE COMES DIDDY IN SECOND PLACE. MAYBE HE'LL STRAIGHTEN OUT THIS SITUATION. OKAY EVERYONE, OUR RACERS HAVE MADE IT TO THE FIRST MINI-STAGE, THE CASTLE IN BOULDER CANYON. ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS DRIVE TO THE DRAW BRIDGE.
DIDDY: HEY, TREVELYAN! THIS IS MY RACE! GET OUT!
TREVELYAN: EAT LEAD, MONKEY!
TAJ: TREVELYAN TAKES HIS GUN AND SHOOTS THE HECK OUT OF DIDDY'S CAR. HE'S DOWN FOR NOW.
TREVELYAN: STUPID FOOL. (He makes his way over the draw bridge and looks at a bell) Hm, what does this do? (Trevelyan rings the bell causing the draw bridge to rise.)
DKR SQUID: Ha! I don't NEED the draw bridge. (Goes around in the moat.)
TAJ: The bridge is still rising. The Great Fox better hurry up so they can get in.
FOX: We can't even fit in there.
ROB 64: Use the Arwings.
PEPPY: Hey, good idea. (The Star Fox team exit the Great Fox in their Arwings and fly inside.)
KAZOOIE: BANJO, THE BRIDGE!
BANJO: We'll have to go flight mode.
KAZOOIE: Hm, let's try the button labeled flight mode.
(She presses the button and eggs come out from the exhaust pipe.)
WIZPIG: Hey, NO! (Wizpig slips on the eggs and begins to fall down.)
NAVI: WATCH OUT!!
LINK: GAH! WO, EPONA! (Epona stops and Boggy slides by.)
BOGGY: Wahay...Hey what...NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (Wizpig falls on Boggy.)
T.T.: TOO BAD!
DKR DRAGON: That's it. To Heck with this bridge!
(Dragon burns the bridge and flys by.) See ya, suckers.
BANJO: How will we get across?
KAZOOIE: Let's try a Beak Bomb.
BANJO: Press something else this time.
KAZOOOIE: All right, uh? (She randomly presses a button and the car grows a long pair of breegull legs wearing Wading boots.)
BANJO: That'll do. (They walk cross the moat and enter the castle.)
LINK: We're following them. (Takes out his hookshot and hooks on Banjo's car. He put the hookshot in Epona's mouth and she was dragged inside the castle.)
(The DKR Triceratops came around the corner and just jumped across.)
TAJ: Since, when did he learn that move?
(The remaining DKR racers turned their cars into planes and flew across.)
TAJ: Enough with this. Let's see some real action.
(The cameras go inside the castle.)
(Trevelyan is being chased by four Arwings shooting at him.)
SLIPPY: You won't get away that easy!
TREVELYAN: Oh yeah. (He throws a grenade up at Slippy's Arwing.)
SLIPPY: AHHH! (Slippy ejects his ship as it blow up.)
FALCO: GO FIND YOUR OWN TARGET, TREVELYAN!
(Peppy swoops down and picks up Slippy.)
SLIPPY: Whoo...that was TOO close.
(The DKR racers begin firing missiles at Peppy.)
PEPPY: They're ON me! I'm gettin' careless.
SLIPPY: Join the club.
PEPPY: What's takin' you so long, Fox?
FOX: Hey, I'm tryin' to win a race here.
TREVELYAN: What's the matter, Fox? No glib remark. No pithy comeback.
DKR SQUID: Nope, that's MY job. (The squid throws a mine at Trevelyan and blows him up a couple of yards back.)
DKR SQUID: And now for you. (He sprays a bunch of bubbles everywhere entrapping them all.)
DKR SQUID: Well, see ya.
TAJ: Looks like the DKR squid takes the lead. Hey, here comes Banjo-Kazooie and Link.
KAZOOIE: What happened to them?
LINK: Ganondorf must've got them. He used bubbles one time when I was young.
BANJO: Should we free 'em?
KAZOOIE: Nah.
(They all leave the DKR racers and Star Fox Team to their doom.)
TAJ: It almost seems that they're eliminated.
(The DKR Triceratops ran by, saw the bubbles, and shrugged. The DKR Dragon did the same thing.)
TAJ: All we need now is the walrus. And judging by that earthquake sound, here he comes.
(Snuggles' tank comes drivin' by and he sees the bubbles.)
SNUGGLES: I'm not even gonna let you be that lucky. (He shot them all down with his tank and ran over Falco's Arwing.) Take that!
TAJ: How'd you get across the moat?
SNUGGLES: Did you ever think that Wizpig makes a good bridge? (Leaves.)
(Meanwhile Wizpig is sitting in the moat trying to regain consciousness. Everyone has passed him.)
WIZPIG: I hate falling down. (Just then Grunty appears.)
GRUNTY: Well isn't this a sight to see. I wish I had my Polaroid with me.
WIZPIG: Don't mock me, witch. Anyway, I've got to get back in the race. Just delay everyone else for me.
GRUNTY: Whatever you say, tall, dark, and pork.
(Whispers) Fell down and unconscious. MAN, what a dork. (She teleports and Wizpig looks up at where she disappeared.)
WIZPIG: Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
(The first place racers are on the road headed towards Greenwood Village. Three of the DKR bosses are in the lead. Snuggles is catching up to them. Two contestants are gaining.)
SNUGGLES: What's that behind me? It looks like a mix between a vending machine and a robot version of the Energizer Bunny.
DEDEDE: HEY, I resent that remark! (He fires a drill at Snuggles.)
SNUGGLES: UH OH! (He ducks back into the tank and it's hit by DEDEDE's drill.) So, you like that! (He turns the top part of the tank around.)
DEDEDE: HEY!
SNUGGLES: FIRE ONE! (He shoots a missile at Dedede.)
DEDEDE: NO!
YOSHI: PIKACHU, THUNDER BOLT ATTACK! NOW!
PIKACHU: PI-KACHU!!! (Pikachu's thunder bolt blows up the missile.)
YOSHI: Good Work, Pikachu.
DEDEDE: Thanks, man.
YOSHI: Don't mention it. Now as for you...Pikachu, electricity drain.
PIKACHU: Pikaaaaaaaaa! (Pikachu sucks all electricity from Dedede's robot.)
DEDEDE: Hey, how'd you do that!
YOSHI: Little somethin' I taught 'im.
(They left Dedede stuck in his tracks.)
DEDEDE: Hey, you can't do me like this!
(T.T. comes drivin' by and sees Dedede siting there.)
DEDEDE: Hey, help me. I'm stuck.
T.T.: UNLUCKY!!
(T.T. catches up to the "moving" bunch. Yoshi, Pikachu, and 2WD are having a hard time trying to dodge Snuggles' missiles.)
YOSHI: 2WD, LOOK OUT!
2WD: NO! (2WD is blown up by Snuggles missle. Yoshi and Pikachu go up into the sky.)
2WD's eyes: I hate it when that happens.
T.T.: Too bad! (Leaves)
2WD: Hrrrrrrr He'll pay for that! (2WD automatically reassembles himself.) Ah, that's better. (Yoshi and Pikachu crash down on him and seperate his parts again.)
YOSHI: 2WD, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE LAYIN' DOWN ON THE JOB! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!
PIKACHU: Pika!
2WD: Grr. Some day...some day...I'll get rich, and then I'll quit.
DKR DRAGON: Hey, that stuffed animal's catching up.
DKR TRICERATOPS: You guys'll have to drop some items for them to hit.
DKR SQUID: Fine by me.
(The dragon and squid throw some fireballs, mines, and bubbles to stop the upcoming racers.)
SNUGGLES: Hahaha. You can never defeat me!
T.T.: Look behind you, chump!
SNUGGLES: (Turns around) Wha...GAHHH!!
(Snuggles' tank is hit by a whole mess of fireballs and mines. Then, he's trapped in one of the bubbles.)
T.T.: You were saying!
SNUGGLES: Hrr! I'll GET you!
T.T.: Too bad!
TAJ: Looks like T.T. is in second place. Now he's catching up to the DKR bosses as they enter Greenwood Village.
T.T.: All right you stickin' ugly piece o' bosses. Let's see how you'll stand up against the STAINLESS ANALOG WATCH!
DKR DRAGON: Oh, great! It's T.T.- the fastest DKR racer.
T.T.: That's right, and I'm gonna give ya trouble.
(Back to the third and fourth place people.)
KAZOOIE: Banjo, we need to catch up. This ugly elf and his robot pal are getting on my nerves.
SAMUS: ALL RIGHT YOU STUPID BREEGULL! TRY A TASTE O' THIS! (Samus charges up for a Charge Shot.)
KAZOOIE: Uh oh.
BANJO: DUCK!
KAZOOIE: But I'm a breegull.
BANJO: GET DOWN, FOOL!
KAZOOIE: Well if you insist...(Kazooie jumps to the floor of the car and starts break dancing.)
KAZOOIE: Yeah. Yahoo. Get down with my bad self.
BANJO: KAZOOIE!!
(Samus fires at the team up. Their car was hit, but flew all the way to the first and second place racers.)
LINK: SAMUS, YOU IIIIIIIIDIOT!
SAMUS: (Covers her face up with her one hand.) I know. I know.
(Meanwhile at the DKR bosses, T.T. has taken the lead.)
T.T.: Now to win this stage. (Banjo and Kazooie's car fall on top of his and flattens T.T.)
DKR BOSSES: TOO BAD!!
TAJ: Now Banjo and Kazooie are in first place. But wait a minute. Here comes Link and Samus. The Great Fox is behind them.
FOX: All aircraft report.
ROB 64: Well, Slippy will never be able to fly again.
SLIPPY: NO!
ROB 64: Peppy's ship will be repaired in no time.
PEPPY: That's good.
ROB 64: Falco's ship will take some time.
FALCO: Hrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
ROB 64: Don't blame me. I'm just a worker. Fox, your ship will be ready in a little while.
FOX: Nice work, Rob.
ROB 64: Thanks, now let's get back to the race.
(James Bond is coming behind the Great Fox. Trevelyan is sitting on his tank.)
BOND: I hear somebody on my door.
TREVELYAN: It's me, James.
BOND: Alec?
TREVELYAN: (Jumps to the gun part of the tank.) That's right. I'm gonna stay with you until we get ahead.
BOND: Oh no you're not.
(Bond raises the gun part of the tank and sends Trevelyan into the sky.)
TREVELYAN: My plan worked like a charm. Now if I can just reach the wing...
(Trevelyan trys to reach the wing of the Great Fox, but misses.)
TREVELYAN: NO! (He fell through the windshield of the Flying Krock since it was passing by.)
KING K. ROOL: Whoa! Who are you?
BARON K. ROOLENSTEIN: Maybe you should ask questions when he's CONSCIOUS.
KING K. ROOL: Good idea.
(Banjo and Kazooie try to maintain their lead.)
BANJO: Hey look. It's that well!
KAZOOIE: So. What's the big deal about some stupid well?
BANJO: That well is really a shortcut. (In Diddy Kong Racing, it IS a shortcut.) If we can get in it, we'll be further ahead.
KAZOOIE: All right!
(They manage to fall inside the well.)
DKR SQUID: Where're they going?
DKR DRAGON: Maybe they're giving up.
(Epona gallops closer to the bosses.)
DKR DRAGON: Hey, it's that elf again!
DKR SQUID: That's SOME horse.
DKR DRAGON: I'll slow him down. (The dragon spits fireballs at Link.)
NAVI: WATCH OUT!
LINK: I SEE it Navi.
NAVI: Oh.
LINK: Turn, Epona.
(Epona moves out the way.)
LINK: That dragon's got SOME fire power. Fortunately, I've dealt with dragons before and I know just how to deal with this one.
DKR DRAGON: He's STILL behind us?! THAT'S IT! I goin' back there.
DKR TRICERATOPS: Hey, what're you doin?
DKR DRAGON: Don't worry. When one of us gets a place, we all get a place. I'll go handle this elf fool.
(The dragon heads back to Link.)
LINK: So, you've decided to die.
DKR DRAGON: I'll take care of you.
SAMUS: I'll shoot 'im!
LINK & NAVI: YOU BETTA NOT!
SAMUS: Hey what ya'll..huh..oh..oh yeah.
DKR DRAGON: I'll see ya'll in Hades.
LINK: Oh yeah? (Link takes out his Megaton Hammer.)
DKR DRAGON: WHA! A MEGATON HAMMER?! WHERE'D YOU GET THAT FROM?!
LINK: I don't know really. Some guy left it off in a treasure chest. I just found it.
DKR DRAGON: I'M OUTTA HERE!!
LINK: Oh no you don't!
(The dragon tries to fly away, but Link took out his Ice Arrow and shot it at the dragon. He froze inside an ice cube.)
LINK: Now to finish you, foul lizard!
(Link rides to the ice cube and raises his hammer.)
VOICE: OH YEAH!!
LINK: (Looks back) Huh?
(The DKR walrus stomps over to Link and pushes him, Samus, and Epona off the road. The walrus went back and shattered the dragon free.)
DKR DRAGON: YAHOOOOOOO!! I'm free!! Thanks!!
DKR WALRUS: NO PROBLEM OL' BUDDY! C'mon let's get back in the race.
(Back at the last place people.)
DEDEDE: Thanks for recharging my robot, Wizpig. I owe you.
WIZPIG: Save it. We need to back in the race. Looks like I'll need my rocket after all. (Wizpig takes out his rocket and rides on it.)
DEDEDE: Can I get a boost?
WIZPIG: Why not? (Wizpig grabs the robot and throws him a few miles.) There, now to get out of bein' last place.
(In the middle of the race, where Dedede lands...)
YOSHI: GREAT! First Snuggles, then Donkey Kong, now Dedede. I thought we got rid of him, too.
DEDEDE: Donkey Kong?
(A dragon headed car ahead of Dedede.)
BOWSER: Hm, King Dedede, eh? Wario, throw some bombs at him.
WARIO: Right away, Bowser. (He takes a purple bomb out and before he throws it out he looks at it...) I'm sorry it had to come this, Fran. I know. I know. We had some wild nights together, didn't we? The way you shine at me in the moonlight. The way you sparkle under the stars. You were one of the best bombs I've ever had.
BOWSER: WARIO, THROW THE DANGED BOMB ALREADY!!!
WARIO: Oh well, there's always Rachel. (He threw the bomb out.)
DEDEDE: Uh oh. (He used his robot to kick the bomb. It flew to the car in front of Bowser's.)
LUIGI: MARIO! LOOK OUT! IT'SA BOMB! TURN!
MARIO: WE'RE-A NOT GONNA MAKE-A IT!!!
(The plunger car rams into the bomb and gets blown off the track.)
BOWSER: Hm, not what I wanted, but it'll do.
PIKACHU: Pika pika chu pika chu pika.
YOSHI: Not a bad idea, Pikachu.
(Yoshi makes 2WD honk and the motorcycle jumps onto the mouth part of Bowser's car.)
BOWSER: Hey, get off my car! You'll ruin the paint job!
YOSHI: Make us!
BOWSER: All right!
YOSHI: Brace yourself, Pikachu.
PIKACHU: Pika!
(Bowser opens the mouth sending Yoshi, Pikachu, and 2WD far ahead.)
BOWSER: Whoops.
YOSHI: Thanks guys. Pikachu, what place are we in?
(Pikachu takes out a Diddy Kong Racing Dex.)
DKR DEX: RIGHT-NOW-YOU-ARE-IN-ELEVENTH-PLACE!
YOSHI: Who's ahead of us?
DKR DEX: FIRST-IS-BANJO-KAZOOIE-THEN-DKR-BOSSES-THEN- GREAT-FOX-THEN-FLYING-KROCK-THEN-TREVELYAN-THEN-JAMES- BOND-THEN-LINK-THEN-MYSTERY-CAR-THEN-BROWN-YELLOW-CAR- THEN-T.T.-THEN-YOU.
YOSHI: T.T., eh? No problem.
PIKACHU: PIKA PI PIKACHU!!
YOSHI: I don't see any spilled oil...hey!!
(2WD slips on T.T.'s spilled oil and skids around in circle.)
YOSHI: Oh, he'll pay for that one.
T.T.: You'll never catch me!
(T.T. rams into the back of James Bond's parked tank.)
YOSHI: (Stops 2WD.) Bond, what's goin' on?
BOND: Everyone has stopped except for the flying vehicles. There's a sign up ahead that says "Watch for moving Nintendo 64 logos."
YOSHI: Watch for what?
(A Nintendo 64 logo walks its way across the street. It stops in the middle and watches a Buzzbomb from Banjo- Kazooie fly by. The logo shruggs whatever shoulders it has and walks to the other side. A Rareware logo pops up in the middle of the street and the Buzzbomb flys into it from behind. The Rareware logo disappears and the Buzzbomb falls down and dies.)
BANJO: So that's where that intro came from.
TAJ: Well now that that's over, all racers except the Great Fox and Flying Krock are in one group and about are to drive again. Wait a minute. What's this?
WIZPIG: Good thing I can fly. (Wizpig rides his rocket passed all of them.)
BANJO: Hey, come back here!
MASTER HAND: Wait for me! (He flies after Wizpig.)
TAJ: Wizpig's in third place. What a remarkable come back! Master Hand's right behind him.
(Let's check out the first place racers.)
ROB 64: Flying Krock is gaining.
PEPPY: Shoot it down.
SLIPPY: Charge your weapons, first.
ROB 64: Okay.
(Inside the Flying Krock)
TREVELYAN: (Pointing his gun at the K. Rools) Who or what are you?
KAPTAIN: (Pointing his gun at Trevelyan) I be Kaptain K. Rool. This o'er here is King K. Rool and o'er here is Baron K. Roolenstein.
BARON: It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
TREVELYAN: Not for me. Prepare to die.
KING: Wait wait. Is that any way to treat work associates?
TREVELYAN: What're you talking about?
KAPTAIN: C'mon now. We all be bosses from Rareware games.
TREVELYAN: I don't remember you.
BARON: That's because you were created in a later, but popular, game.
KING: Yeah, I mean who doesn't know you?!
(Just then the Flying Krock was shot with a barage of laser shots. The Flying Krock shakes back and forth.)
KAPTAIN: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?!
SOME KREMLING: WE'VE BEEN SHOT, CAP'N! THE GREAT FOX HAS OPENED FIRE!
KING: ARE WE GONNA DIE?!
KREMLING: FORTUNATELY, NO! NOT UNLESS WE MANAGE TO POWER UP THE MAIN ENGINES AND STOP THEIR FIRE POWER!
(A few shots knocks out the Flying Krocks cannons.)
KING: Were doomed.
TREVELYAN: I CAN STOP THEIR FIRE POWER! ALL I NEED IS TO GET ABOARD!
(He starts to walk off until...)
BARON: WAIT, TREVELYAN!
TREVELYAN: WHAT?!
BARON: I SUGGEST A TEMPORARY ALLIANCE!
TREVELYAN: WHY?
KING: RIGHT NOW, WE BOTH HATE STAR FOX AND WISH TO BRING HIM DOWN!
KAPTAIN: MY GUN HAS TELEPORTATION ABILITIES! I CAN BEAM OURSELVES OVER THERE!
TREVELYAN: IN THAT CASE, I APPROVE!
(They all teleport to the Great Fox. Now, the racers have made it to Windmill Plains. In first place is the Great Fox followed by the Flying Krock, Wizpig, and Master Hand.)
TAJ: THAT WAS ALL MY LINES!!
(I know. Anyway, Taj angrily munches on that "burger" and in fifth place is...)
KIDDY: Can't this TUB go any faster?
TOOTY: And I thought I was a nuissance.
DIXIE: Be quiet, Kiddy. Finish those lollypops I gave you.
KIDDY: Hey you can't talk to me that way!
DIXIE: Oh yes I can.
TOOTY: Stop you two. The Master Hand is getting away.
DIXIE: What'cha tellin' US for? You're drivin'!
TOOTY: Oh yeah.
KIDDY: A nuissance AND stupid.
TOOTY: Hey, SHUT UP!!
KIDDY: MAKE ME, BUTT UGLY!!
TOOTY: WHAT?! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THE REASON OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS TO HAVE OL' GRUNTILDA TRY AND STEAL MY LOOKS!!
KIDDY: WHY? SO SHE CAN MATCH A DATE WITH FREDDY KRUGER?
(Dixie busts out laughing.)
TOOTY: HE'S WORSE THAN KAZOOIE!
KIDDY: (Looks up in the rear-view mirror.) Well, speak o' the devil!
GIRLS: WHAT?! (The look in the rear-view mirror and see the reflection of Banjo-Kazooie's car catching up.)
BANJO: We need to pass. Shoot 'em down, Kazooie.
KAZOOIE: With pleasure.
(Kazooie presses the windshield button and two egg missiles shoot the girls and Kiddy off the road.)
(Banjo and Kazooie pass by putting them in fifth place.)
DIXIE: Anyone got any bright ideas?
KIDDY: I got one. Get Tooty a mask.
TOOTY: "RRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!"
KIDDY: Hey, you can roar. Maybe you'll make a good bear afterall.
DIXIE: Hey, who's the cute guy in the green skirt riding the horse?
(Link passes by, notices them on the side of the road, shruggs, and continues. Suddenly, he discovers...)
LINK: Windmills? Hmmmmmmm.
SAMUS: Hey, what're you thinkin'?
LINK: Wo, Epona. (Epona stops)
SAMUS: What're you doing?
LINK: I'll be right back.
(Link runs inside the windmill.)
LINK: Yeah, this'll do.
VOICE: "GASP" YOU!!!!!
LINK: (Turns around) "GASP" NO!
WINDMILL GUY FROM ZELDA 64: I THOUGHT I GOT AWAY FROM YOU!!
LINK: What're you doin' here?
WINDMILL GUY: This is my NEW windmill. I had to relocate after you messed up my old one for the second time.
LINK: Well, sorry, but I have to borrow this one.
(Takes out his ocarina.)
WINDMILL GUY: I won't let you!! (He pounces to Link, but Link dodges. The windmill guy lays motionless on the floor.)
LINK: (Looks at the guy, points down to him, and impersonates Shao Kahn's voice) That was TOO ea-sy.
(Plays the Song of Storms.)
(Huge thunder storm appears in the sky. Windmills spin like crazy.)
SAMUS: What the HECK has he done?!
(Link comes running out using his Hylian shield like an umbrella.)
SAMUS: You fool. I'll rust.
LINK: You'll survive. Besides, I've got some spare oil. Here.
SAMUS: Thanks. (Link climbs on Epona.)
LINK: Like Mr. Ingo would say before HIS horse runs....(Raises his arm up.) WuuuAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
(And Epona takes off.)
(2WD drives by the windmills.)
YOSHI: A thunder storm? BIG mistake, right Pikachu?
PIKACHU: Pika.
2WD: Muddy...dirt...hard to...keep...traction...
YOSHI: Uh-oh.
PIKACHU: Pi-ka.
(2WD falls down and slides into the middle of the road along with Yoshi and Pikachu.)
YOSHI: Whoever made that thunder storm knew what they were doin'.
PIKACHU: Piiiii......
(Drumstick and Pipsy are ahead of the other DKR racers, but they are in twelveth and thirteenth place.)
PIPSY: (In harmony) Whatever you can do, I can do better than you....
DRUMSTICK: No you can't.
PIPSY: Yes I can.
DRUMSTICK: No you can't.
PIPSY: Yes I can.
DRUMSTICK: No you can't.
PIPSY: Sure I can.
(They race even further down the road and pass the mysterious car.)
MYSTERY MAN: Huh?
PIPSY: Ready to stop?
DRUMSTICK: (Faking) Ha ha ha (Frowns) Let's go. (They drive passed Snuggles' tank trying to beat each other.)
DRUMSTICK: Whatever you can be, I can be greater.
(They start to slow down a bit to rest their cars.)
DRUMSTICK: Had enough?
(Pipsy immediately steps on the gas.)
DRUMSTICK: Hey! (Drives after her.)
(They both drive passed a few more vehicles and wind up in sixth and seventh place. They start trying to push each other off the road.)
DRUMSTICK: I'm not stoppin'.
PIPSY: I'm not stoppin'.
DRUMSTICK: I'm not stoppin'.
PIPSY: (Pushes harder) I'm..not..stoppin'.
(Drumstick goes off the track.)
DRUMSTICK: (In pain.) Aw!
(Now, let's take a look at some movement in the Great Fox.)
(Inside the Great Fox, four figures run down the looooong hallway. The camera angle moves to one of them. Words appear at the bottom and says "King K. Rool". Cameras move to another person and words say "Kaptain K. Rool". Then they move to another person. Words say "Baron K. Roolenstein". Last, cameras move to a figure way ahead of the other three. Words say "Alec Trevelyan". They all run into the darkness.)
(Meanwhile at the third and fourth place racers...)
WIZPIG: It just so happens that I LIKE rain and mud, unlike you.
MASTER HAND: You gotta help me. I'm vulnerable to water.
WIZPIG: (Looks around for Taj and puts his arm around Master Hand.) All right, here's the deal. You help me defeat the DKR racers and I'll get you outta the rain. Deal?
MASTER HAND: Deal.
(Wizpig makes an umbrella appear and gives it to Master Hand.)
MASTER HAND: Thanks.
WIZPIG: Don't forget our deal.
MASTER HAND: Yeah yeah yeah.
LINK: Oh shoot! It's Master Hand!
SAMUS: Why's he holding an umbrella?
LINK: AN OPPORTUNITY!!!
(Link digs into his tunic.)
SAMUS: Disgusting.
LINK: Where else can I put all o' my stuff? Aw, here it is. The Light Arrow.
SAMUS: Light Arrow?
LINK: Watch and learn.
(Link aims the Light Arrow and fires it at Master Hand. Master Hand is hit and he shakes there frozen in mid- air.)
LINK: C'mon Epona. Hyah!!
EPONA: Neigh!
(Epona runs under Master Hand.)
PIPSY: Whoa. That sure is a big hand.
(She drives under it carefully.)
(In the first cave of Windmill Plains)
KIRBY: TAC, what place are we?
TAC: According to my sensors.....twenty-ninth place.
KIRBY: Great, so who's BEHIND us?
BOGGY: Wa..hay...ow.
KIRBY: Oh.
TAC: Hey, you in front of us.
MUMBO: What's happnin'- Who dis'here?
BOTTLES, BRENTY, KIRBY, TAC, AND BOGGY: HUH?!!!
MUMBO: Oops, that's street slang. I mean, who bubble gum one?
KIRBY: I'm not bubble gum. Anyway, how about lettin' us pass?
MUMBO: Mumbo trying to win race. Sorry.
KIRBY: C'mon.
MUMBO: No.
KIRBY: Fine, you asked for it.
(TAC drives up close to Mumbo. Kirby sucks him up and steals his ability.)
MORTAL KOMBAT 4 VOICE: FATALITY!!!!!
BOTTLES: Hey, what'd you do with Mumbo?!
KIRBY: Wait a minute. Let me take this ugly mask off first. (He tries and can't.) Hey, the mask won't come off!
BRENTY: (Taking the wheel since Mumbo's gone) You have to defeat my sister to do it.
KIRBY: Who's that?
BRENTY: You don't wanna know.
BOTTLES: What'd you do to Mumbo?
KIRBY: Oh, uh...I devoured 'im.
BRENTY: WHAT?!
BOTTLES: THAT'S BARBARIC!!!
KIRBY: Funny, HAL Labs find it kinda cute.
BOTTLES: WHERE'S MY FRIEND?!
KIRBY: He's gone. See ya. Bye bye. Finito. Finished. That's all folks. In other words, he's off to a better place.
BOTTLES: NO! BRING HIM BACK!
KIRBY: NO TIME FOR THAT! GOTTA A RACE TO WIN! Uh, OMINOWAGILUOMINOWAGILU-OOGINOK!!
(TAC turns into a road runner.)
KIRBY: All right, let's go, TAC!
TAC: Beep beep!
(They speed away and left the others in a pile of dust.)
LINK: Alright, the Flying Krock. That's the one in second place.
SAMUS: Think we can pass it?
LINK: Right now, they're a little busy with Great Fox trying to shoot them down. I think we can sneak passed them.
(As Link goes on to being first place, inside the Great Fox...)
FALCO: HEY, WHERE DID ALL THE RAIN COME FROM?!
ROB 64: IT'S HARD TO SEE BECAUSE OF IT.
FOX: What a time to be without windshield wipers.
SLIPPY: "Sniff" My ship.
PEPPY: C'mon, Slippy. It was JUST a ship.
SLIPPY: THAT SHIP AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER! WE'VE SURVIVED MANY DANGERS AND CATASTROPHES! IT WAS MY VERY BEST ARWING AND I'LL NEVER FORGET IT, SO DON'T SPOIL THE SACRIFICE! OKAY?!!
TREVELYAN: OH, BUT IT ALREADY IS SPOILED, YEEEEESSSS!
FOX: HEY, HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE?!
KAPTAIN: THAT WOULD BE ME.
KING: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!
BARON: MAKE THAT QUADRUPLE!
KAPTAIN: TO...UM...UH...OH WELL, IT'S A STUPID INTRO ANYWAY! JUST PREPARE TO FIGHT!
STAR FOX TEAM: ALL RIGHT!
TAJ: Well, Link is in first place now. We've reached Haunted Woods- the final mini-stage.
(Just thought I'd let you readers know. NOW FOR SOME ACTION!!)
SLIPPY: I got the destroyer of my ship.
PEPPY: I got the pirate.
FALCO: I'll take on the one with the crown.
FOX: Guess that means I got Frankenstein.
BARON: THAT'S BARON-K-ROOLENSTEIN!
FOX: Whatever.
TREVELYAN: So, the punk frog wants a piece o' me? Ha, I won't NEED my AR33.
SLIPPY: GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT!
(Trevelyan takes his fist and jabs. Slippy slaps the fist away and comes in with punch of his own. Trevelyan is hit. He kneed Slippy in the head. Slippy staggered and shook his head. Trevelyan overheaded Slippy and he's knocked flat on the floor.)
TREVELYAN: From the cradle to the grave. YOUR GRAVE, SWAMP BOY!
SLIPPY: SWAMP BOY!!
FOX: Uh-oh, he called 'im Swamp Boy.
(Slippy takes out his laser gun and rapidly fires at Trevelyan.)
TREVELYAN: OOH... OH... UOHHT... HM... HMMM... HOOAH... HUU... HUA... HAAHHHOOOAH... WIT...WHIT... OOH... HUIT!!
FOX: WHAT THE HECK?!
TREVELYAN: All males say that in Goldeneye.
(Fox is hit by Baron.)
FOX: Ow.
BARON: More where that came from.
FOX: BRING IT ON!
BARON: Very well.
(Baron takes out his remote, presses the button, and starts flying on his helicopter thing.)
FOX: That's not fair.
(Baron soars down to Fox. Fox blocks. Baron unleashes rapid punches among Fox. When he stopped, Fox was okay. Fox jumped up and slammed Baron on the ground. Baron stood up and Fox is waitin' for him.)
FOX: (Taunts) C'mon.
(Baron runs over to Fox and gives lefts and rights. Fox blocks every single one of them. Baron tries to reverse the order of lefts and rights, and Fox isn't fooled. Baron grabs Fox's hand. Fox head butts Baron. Then he knees Baron in the head. Fox puts a non-stop combo on Baron.)
(Peppy is strangled by Kaptain. Peppy reaches for his gun, but Kaptain slaps it away.)
KAPTAIN: So, you wanna gun, eh?
(Kaptain takes his gun and shoots Peppy with cannonballs. Peppy is tired and can barely stand up. Kaptain is still shooting him with cannonballs.)
KAPTAIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
FALCO: So what'cha just standin' there for, King? Do somethin'.
KING: Uh...
(King K. Rool takes off his crown and throws it at Falco. The crown falls short of Falco.)
FALCO: C'mon! Is that the best you can do?
KING: Um, yes.
FALCO: PATHETIC! You are OBVIOUSLY the FIRST last boss in the Donkey Kong Country series.
KING: Yeah, that's me.
FALCO: How boring! (Falco looks up in the sky, takes out his gun, and points it at King K. Rool.)
KING: NO!
(Falco fires a bunch of times at King K. Rool. King K. Rool is now a burned up piece of mass lying on the floor.)
FALCO: Where's the "FATALITY"? I guess he's not dead.
KING: (Feeling the extreme pain) "GAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSP"
SLIPPY: FOX, GET THIS GUY OFF ME!!
(Trevelyan has a choke hold on Slippy while forcing his weight upon Slippy.)
FOX: I'm kinda BUSY right know, Slippy!
(Baron has Fox on the floor. Fox is trying his best to keep Baron's mouth closed so he won't get eaten.)
FOX: Why don't you guys ever help ME out, or ask each OTHER when you're in trouble?!
SLIPPY: HEY I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!! FALCO, HELP ME OUT!!
FALCO: Why?
SLIPPY: Why? Isn't being your friend good enough?
FALCO: No.
SLIPPY: Uh, I'll put you in my will.
FALCO: WHAT?! YOU MEAN I'M NOT IN YOUR WILL NOW?!
SLIPPY: Whoops.
FALCO: That's it. I'm helpin' Peppy.
(Meanwhile in the Haunted Woods, the first place people try to avoid the ghosts.)
LINK: I would attempt to destroy these dead creatures, but I have to steer. I can't even play the Sun Song.
SAMUS: Let me play it.
(Link hands her the ocarina.)
LINK: Okay, but you have to play it a certain way...
SAMUS: Yeah yeah yeah.
(Samus plays Zelda's lullaby.)
LINK: Wrong song, Samus.
SAMUS: Uh...
(Samus plays Epona's song. Epona runs around in circles trying to find the one who played it.)
LINK: SamUUUUUUSSSS?!!! Epona STOP! (She stops.) Let's go, Epona! (Epona runs forward again, but this time other cars are catching up.)
SAMUS: We got company!
TAC: BEEP BEEP!
KIRBY: Link! Samus! What's up?
LINK: Kirby? Is that you?
KIRBY: What? Oh, the mask. I CAN'T GET THIS STUPID THING OFF!
SAMUS: That's Mumbo's mask.
NAVI: The shaman from Banjo-Kazooie?
LINK: Kirby, you didn't!
KIRBY: Oh, yes I did.
(Banjo-Kazooie and Pipsy are a few feet behind them.)
BANJO: EAT MY FRIEND, WILL HE?!
KAZOOIE: So long, Mumbo! I wish I could say it's been nice knowin' ya, but....
BANJO: KAZOOIE!!!
KAZOOIE: WHAT?!
PIPSY: The shaman guy was your friend?
BANJO: Yeah.
KAZOOIE: No.
PIPSY: Let's team up against them.
BANJO: Alright!
(They all reach the castle.)
GRUNTY: YOU ALL DRIVE FASTER THAN YOU LOOK! DID YOU EVEN READ THE DRIVING INSTRUCTION BOOK?!
LINK: Who....
GRUNTY: GRUNTILDA'S THE NAME...BEING A WITCH IS MY GAME!
WIZPIG: (Whispers) About time she showed up.
GRUNTY: The castle in Haunted Woods is the part that's last, but the drawbridge is up. Let's see you pass. And suppose that if you DO get through, a surprise on the inside is waiting for you.
WIZPIG: Good thing I can fly OVER the castle. See ya later, worms.
(Wizpig flys over the castle. Dedede comes in from behind.)
DEDEDE: What's up, chumps?
LINK: The witch up there closed up the castle.
KIRBY: Excuse me, Gruntilda? You must know a lot. Do you know Brenty's sister so I can kill her right quick?
GRUNTY: I sure do bubble gum guy. Her name's Kazooie- Banjo's ally.
KIRBY: (Turns to Kazooie) All right, Kazooie, your days are numbered.
KAZOOIE: She's LYING!
KIRBY: I doubt that some how. Besides, with your attitude, you'd make a perfect witch.
PIPSY: Can we concentrate on crossing the moat?
KIRBY: Man, I can handle that. OMINOWAGILUOMINOWAGILU- OOGINOK!!
(The drawbridge comes back down.)
KIRBY: See. No problem. NOW, AS FOR KAZOOIE...
(They all left Kirby.)
KIRBY: Hey!
(Kirby goes after them. Inside the castle is Metaknight on a high platform.)
DEDEDE: METAKNIGHT!! Haha. Ya'll are in for it now.
(Metaknight takes his sword, points at the group with it, jumps, and disappears.)
DEDEDE: Hey, where's he goin'?
(A few of Metaknight's troops come out from the shadows.)
DEDEDE: WHAT?! THAT OL' PUNK JUST GONNA SEND SOME FLUNKIES ON US?!
LINK: I was lookin' FORWARD to fight with him, too. He's nothing but a chicken. BANJO: CHICKEN!!!!
KAZOOIE: BAWK BAWK BAWK CLUCK CLUCK BAWK BAWK, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I'M INSULTING MY COUSINS!
FLUNKIES: PREPARE YOURSELVES!!
(Back in the Great Fox, Falco had already shot up Kaptain K. Rool who is now burned up on the floor.)
(Baron has his teeth clinched on Fox's arm. Fox uses his reflector move on Baron which knocks him a few feet back.)
BARON: Ow. (When he tries to get up, Fox uses the Fire Fox move on him and sends Baron back another few feet.)
FALCO: You're outnumbered, future luggage.
(Baron looks around and sees his brothers lying on the floor in pain. Then up at Fox, Falco, and a beat up, yet standing, Peppy.)
BARON: "Gasp" Three against one. (The three take out their laser guns and aim at Baron.) YOU WON'T GET ME!!!!!
(Baron jumps out the way without looking and flies into a wall knocking him out cold. The Star Fox Team shruggs.)
FOX: There's one more to go.
TREVELYAN: What happened to my allies?
FALCO: You think you got allies? You got NOTHIN'!
TREVELYAN: Since you put that way... (He takes out a grenade and throws it at the three. They dodge the explosion and Trevelyan runs out the room. The Star Fox Team shot him a couple of times, but didn't even phase him.)
FOX: I'll go it alone from here.
SLIPPY: OH NO YOU WON'T!!! (Slippy leaps ahead of Fox and runs after Trevelyan.)
FOX: SLIPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
PEPPY: Let 'im go, Fox. He knows what he's doin'.
FALCO: Yeah, gettin' revenge for some stupid ship.
(As soon as Slippy turns a corner, Trevelyan immediately shoots at him. Slippy dodged the bullets and shot Trevelyan.)
TREVELYAN: (As he runs away) You could have joined me, Slippy, but you had to side with these pen pushers.
(Slippy runs after him hearing Trevelyan's voice echo through the halls.)
TREVELYAN'S VOICE: Always loyal to your ship, never your friends.
SLIPPY: Grrrrrrrrrrrr.......
(Slippy's more determined to kill Trevelyan.)
TREVELYAN'S VOICE: Slippy the geek, Nintendo's loyal terrior- you sicken me.
(Slippy turns a corner and is caught in an explosion by a grenade.)
SLIPPY: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
(Slippy's hurt but manages to get up. He continues his pursuit.)
TREVELYAN'S VOICE: You never give, do you? Pathetic really.
(Slippy turns another corner and Trevelyan shoots at him with all he's got. Slippy runs left and right to dodge the bullets.)
TREVELYAN: You will never win, Slippy.
(Slippy tries his best to shoot Trevelyan, but he couldn't get in a good clean shot. Eventually, Trevelyan runs out of bullets and Slippy shoots him. Trevelyan runs.)
TREVELYAN: Finish the job, Slippy- if you can.
SLIPPY: Grrr I'll show you.
(Slippy follows him to platform being lowered to outside beneath the Great Fox. Trevelyan jumps on the platform and says...)
TREVELYAN: I was always better, Slippy.
SLIPPY: YOUR carcass is MINE!
(Slippy jumps down after him. When he lands, Trevelyan gets as much distance as he can and fires at Slippy. Slippy ducked in time and shot the AR33 from Trevelyan's hand. The gun fell in front of Slippy and he picked it up. Trevelyan stood there.)
TREVELYAN: For your ship, Slippy?
SLIPPY: No. For me.
(Slippy shoots Trevelyan off the platform.)
SLIPPY: I GOT ONE!!
(Slippy's friends were looking at the whole thing on their video screens.)
FOX: Did YOU see THAT?!!
PEPPY: Slippy's not such a screw up after all.
SLIPPY: (Sarcastic) Thanks a lot, Peppy.
FOX: You can hear us?
SLIPPY: Nintendo works in mysterious ways.
FOX: Rob, what place are we in now?
ROB 64: Right now we are in tenth place.
FOX: Great, Trevelyan and the K. Rools delayed us.
ROB 64: We are sitting here right above a castle.
Wizpig and the Flying Krock are in the lead.
FOX: DANG!
PEPPY: DARN IT!
FALCO: CRUD!
SLIPPY: MAN!
ROB 64: Uh......FIDDLESTICKS!!
STAR FOX TEAM: Fiddlesticks?
(Let's check out inside of the castle. More racers have come to help fight off Metaknight's men. It was very easy because of...)
PIKACHU: PIKACHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(See what I mean.)
METAKNIGHT'S MEN: -Dzzzzzzzzzt- YEOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
KAZOOIE: Do you guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
ONE TROOP: NEVER!!!!!!
YOSHI: I'm startin' to get hungry. Maybe I'll just have a little snack. (Yoshi's tongue laps up half of the troops.)
ONE TROOP: MY FRIENDS!!!!!!
KIRBY: Ready to stop?
(The troop throws a spear at Kirby and knocked him far away enough for his Mumbo magic to weaken for TAC. TAC. turned back into a wheelie.)
KIRBY: Hey.
LINK: Okay, Samus. Use your Charge Shot.
SAMUS: All right!
(Samus charges up. The troops try to figure out what she's doing. When at full blast, Samus fires at the troops leaving only one of them to stand in the way.)
LINK: NOW ONLY YOU STAND IN THE WAY OF MY TWO MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!
PIKACHU: PIKA!
(The last troop runs outside the castle to get a good distance before they attack.)
TROOP: There! Now if you attack me, I'll see it comin'.
LINK: I'll handle this.
(Epona gallops closer until...)
NAVI: LISTEN!!!
LINK: What?
NAVI: Watch for the shadows of falling bodies coming from the sky.
TROOP: What is she talking about?
(Suddenly, Trevelyan falls hard on the last troop.)
KAZOOIE: Ew.
MORTAL KOMBAT 4 VOICE: ELIMINATION!!!!!!!
TAJ: Hey, someone just got eliminated.
MORTAL KOMBAT 4 VOICE: FATALITY!!!!!! Times 2.
TAJ: And died apparantly.
(Link wastes no time taking the opportunity to be ahead of everyone else.)
TAJ: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LINK IS IN THIRD PLACE! But, ahead of him is Wizpig, and then the Flying Krock.
WIZPIG: LET ME PASS!! I COMMAND YOU!!
KLUMP: Who are you?
WIZPIG: The name's WIZPIG!!
KLUMP: WIZPIG? The one from Diddy Kong Racing?
WIZPIG: Right!
KLUMP: The one who invaded Timber's Island?
WIZPIG: In the flesh!
KLUMP: The one that tried to kill a certain crocodile named Krunch?!
WIZPIG: You're lookin' right at 'im!!
KLUMP: ALL KREMLINGS, OPEN FIRE!!!!!
WIZPIG: HEY!!
(The kremlings took out their bazookas, cannons, barrel launchers, or whatever and fired them at Wizpig. Wizpig is massively hurt and falls to the concrete.)
KLUMP: We did it. We took down the pig.
(At that moment, the Flying Krock began being caught in an ice cube.)
KLUMP: HEY, what the?
(He looks down to see Link with his bow aimed at them.)
KLUMP: Oh, great!
(The Flying Krock tries its best to stay in the air long enough before they cross the finish line. Link and Samus easily ride passed them.)
TAJ: I...don't believe this. The horse ridin' fool is in first place, and the finish line is just about a half a mile on top of that hill.
LINK: Hear that, Samus?
SAMUS: Right! We're gonna be first place of the first stage. We'll have a BIG start on winning.
LINK: C'mon, let's hurry. HAI YA!!!
(Epona runs faster and faster. Soon, in the distance they can see the finish line.)
LINK: YES!!!!
(But...)
LINK: Oh no no NO NO NO NOOO NOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
SAMUS: What?
LINK: LOOK!
SAMUS: HEY WHAT THE?!
NAVI: BUT.....HOW?
TAJ: HOW THE HECK?!!!
VICE VERSA: (Floating there above the finish line with the checkered flag.) I know I know. I was surprised too. (If you want to know what happened, right on top of the finish line is Steve sitting there huffing and puffing.)
STEVE: You...huff...did...puff...better...huff...this time...but...huff...I still...puff...beat you...huff...by...one second...puff.
LINK: NOOOOO!!!!!
TAJ: HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!!!!
SAMUS: Can you teach ME?
STEVE: I'm...huff...not about...to...puff...give away...huff...my secrets...puff...well...see ya...huff...later...puff.
(Steve gets to his feet and runs passed the finish line.)
LINK: IIIIIII hate him.
SAMUS: C'mon, we might as well settle for second place.
LINK: "Sigh" Fine.
TAJ: (Still shocked) Well folks, it seems as if STEVE has won this stage. Link is in second place instead.
(Yoshi, Pikachu, and 2WD drive up next.)
TAJ: Here comes Yoshi and his friends. And they are third place of this race.
(After everyone, except Trevelyan, has successfully crossed the finish line, Taj has made the following announcements.)
TAJ: All right, people. The first stage is over. Now let's take a look at the winning stats. Okay, first is Steve with 30, then Link with 29, Yoshi with 28, Banjo- Kazooie with 27, Pipsy with 26, the Flying Krock with 25, Master Hand with 24, Dedede with 23, Wizpig with 22, and Star Fox with 21. Next is Kirby with 20, DKR bosses with 19, Drumstick with 18, Mystery Car with 17, Bowser DKs Wario with 16, Snuggles with 15, James Bond with 14, Killer Instinct with 13, Mario bros. with 12, and brown and yellow car with 11. After that is T.T. with 10, Bumper with 9, Conker with 8, Diddy with 7, Tiptup with 6, Timber with 5, Krunch with 4, Bottles with 3, and Boggy with 2. No 1 since Trevelyan's gone. I can't believe everyone's beating Diddy Kong Racing at their own game. C'mon ya'll.
BOND: Can we have a moment of silence for Trevelyan? He WAS my friend.
SLIPPY and KAZOOIE: Mmmmmmmm Nah!
BOND: Oh well.
TAJ: Let's go to the Chance Times.
(Three rolling blocks appear above them.)
TAJ: Let's have uhhhhh.... Diddy start off.
DIDDY: Okay.
(Diddy walks over to the first block and hits it revealing Diddy's face. Next, he hit the third that revealed Kirby's face.)
KIRBY: HEY, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!
(Diddy hits the middle block revealing a trade in points.)
KIRBY: Hey, NO!
TAJ: And Diddy and Kirby will trade their points.
KIRBY: NO I WON'T!
TAJ: You have no choice! Vice Versa, do your stuff.
(Vice Versa switches Diddy and Kirby's points. Diddy does a victory dance while Kirby falls down and hurts himself.)
TAJ: Alright, I guess we'll let STEVE do the next one.
STEVE: A pleasure.
(Steve hits the first one revealing Kazooie.)
KAZOOIE: Uh oh.
(Steve hits the third one revealing....Gruntilda?!)
ALL: HUH?!
(Uh...okay, Steve hits the middle one to reveal a trade in looks.)
TAJ: It looks like Gruntilda and Kazooie will trade their looks.
GRUNTY: I keep on hearing my name! What's happenin' Peanut Brain?
TAJ: You and Kazooie will switch looks. Go, Vice Versa.
KAZOOIE: Hey, I didn't agree to this!
(Vice Versa switches Gruntilda and Kazooie's looks, but...)
VICE VERSA: Funny, they still look exactly the same. I KNOW I made the switch.
TAJ: Do you know what this means?
VICE VERSA: Yeah. It means that both Kazooie and Gruntilda have the same kind of looks, but Gruntilda is BUTT-UGLY!!
TAJ: I guess that means Kazooie's butt-ugly too!
KAZOOIE: HEY!
(Everyone, including me, laughs at Kazooie.)
KAZOOIE: Hey, YOU can't laugh! You're the author!
(I do what I please, and I find this hysterical. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!)
KAZOOIE: Oh yeah?
BOTTLES: GREAT! I now have something I can say about Kazooie and she can't argue because it's a PROVEN FACT!
KAZOOIE: Ohhhhh.....
TAJ: One more. How about Mario?
MARIO: All right.
(The first block is a Star Fox symbol. The third is the Flying Krock.)
FOX: Hey!
(The middle shows two K. Rool heads with an arrow pointing to the Flying Krock.)
TAJ: Now Star Fox will give back the kremlings two K. Rools.
FOX: All right, which two K. Rools do you guys wanna give them?
SLIPPY: Keep Baron. His brains can help us out.
PEPPY: Okay by me.
FOX: Very well. (To Vice Versa) We'll give back Kaptain and King.
(Star Fox gave back Kaptain and King.)
TAJ: There. Now we're officially finished with the Chance Times. Get ready for the next course. It'll start in an hour.
BOTTLES: HEY, BUTT-UGLY KAZOOIE!!
KAZOOIE: Don't call me that!
BOTTLES: But that's what you are. You can't deny it. BUTT-UGLY!! BUTT-UGLY!!
KAZOOIE: Leave me alone, Jam jars.
BOTTLES: Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will hurt you instead, BUTT-UGLY!!
KAZOOIE: BANJO, MAKE 'IM STOP!!
BANJO: All right, Bottles. Leave Butt-ugly alone.
KAZOOIE: Et tu, Banjo?
(He's not the ONLY one!!)
BUTT-UGLY: HEY, CHANGE MY NAME BACK!!!
(I kinda like it this way.)
BUTT-UGLY: C'mon!
(Mmmmmmmmm nah!)
BUTT-UGLY: WHAT?!
BANJO: How's it feel to get your just desserts?
(Not a good fanfiction for YOU, Butt-ugly.)
BUTT-UGLY: C'mon! Change my name back.
(Hey, don't make me REVERSE the words in your NEW name.)
BUTT-UGLY: I'll be good!
(Mm. I guess I can take your word for it.)
KAZOOIE: YAHOOOOOOO!!!!!! I got my name back!
BANJO: Be grateful.
KAZOOIE: Thank you!! (Turns around and whispers.) YougreatbiggoodfornothinstupidArsenialHalllookin'...
(Kazooie!!)
BUTT-UGLY: WHA...HEY!!
(Everyone laughs.)
KAZOOIE: CHANGE MY NA- Oh did that already.
BANJO: C'mon, let's not waste this perfectly good hour to get ready.
BOTTLES: Yeah let's go.
BUTT-UGLY: Wait for m- HEY!!!!!!
(Muhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!)

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