Part 4: "Show Your Moves"
(Commercial Fades In)
(Wizpig is sitting in a seat in a restuarant. (Don't ask me how
he fit.) He unwraps his new Supreme Double Decker Mustard BBQ
Sauce Bacon Cheeseburger. (Without the bacon.) Bottles walks by
him and asks...)
BOTTLES: HEY! Is that the new Supreme Double Decker Mustard BBQ
Sauce Bacon Cheeseburger?
WIZPIG: Without the bacon...Yes.
BOTTLES: I'll give you five dollars for it.
KIRBY: I'll give you TEN...NO ELEVEN dollars for it.
TOOTY: I'll give FIFTEEN dollars for it.
LAKITU: Oh yeah? I'll give you A HUNDRED dollars for it.
CRASH: I'll give you a Playstation for it. (Wizpig grabs Crash
and throws him in the trash.)
MARIO: I'll give you a Nintendo 64.
LUIGI: I'll give you all Nintendos.
BOWSER: I'll give you the Koopa Kingdom.
DONKEY KONG: I'll get you your own game.
LINK: I'll get you your own game series.
ZELDA: I'll get all these people off your back.
LARA CROFT: I'll marry you. (Wizpig just stares in awe.)
SUPERMAN: I'll trade our powers.
RAREWARE: We'll give you Rareware.
SAMUS: I'll kill all of your enemies.
MEN IN BLACK: We'll leave you alone.
NICK DIAMOND AND JOHNNY GOMEZ: We'll put you on our show.
OPRAH WINFREY: I'll put you on MY show.
CAPTAIN FALCOLN: I'll let you help sponsor the Diddy Kong Racing
5000. (Wizpig was about to accept when Taj flew in.)
TAJ: I'll let you RACE in it.
WIZPIG: REALLY?! (Taj smiles hard.)
(Black screen covers up. The words Diddy Kong Racing 5000 are
placed on it. The sounds of a car driving by can be heard.)
(Commercial fades out and we're back to the race.)
BANJO: What a stupid little commercial.
WIZPIG: Actually, before Taj called all of you, that really
happened. Someone just recorded it and we paid him so we could
use it as a commercial. (All of the DKR characters angrily stare
at Taj, who is munching down on a Supreme Double Decker Mustard
BBQ Sauce Bacon Cheeseburger without bacon.)
TAJ: Man it takes a long time to eat this thing, but it could use
some bacon though. OH, we're back. Ahem, our first stage will be
Dragon Forest from Timber's island. Racers, you have two minutes
to get ready.
(In Banjo's car.)
BANJO: Alright, Kazooie?
KAZOOIE: What's up?
BANJO: Did you fix this car properly?
KAZOOIE: Yep, sure did.
BANJO: Alright, let's check. I'll press the windshield wipers
button. (Banjo presses the button and two egg missiles are fired
at Master Hand. He's not hurt, but turns around and looks like
he's mad.)
KAZOOIE: Uh, (Looks behind the car) King Dedede did it!
DEDEDE: Did what?
MASTER HAND: (To Dedede) You shall cease to be. (Master Hand
floats over to Dedede.)
DEDEDE: Hey, what'd I do?!
(Back in Banjo's car.)
BANJO: KAZOOIE! You switch the buttons' control.
KAZOOIE: Whoops.
BANJO: Now we don't know what button does what.
KAZOOIE: It's your fault for puttin' that stupid self- destruct
button in here.
BANJO: Nyuh oh. I forgot about that button. And one of these will
activate it.
(Wizpig sneaks a portal of Grunty.)
WIZPIG: Time to race, witch. We'll be in Dragon Forest. Are you
set?
GRUNTY: Sure thing, friend. I'm on my way. Banjo and Kazooie will
surely pay.
WIZPIG: Don't forget the other racers. Wizpig out.
(Meanwhile on Epona)
LINK: All set, Samus?
SAMUS: Yep.
LINK: Good. Ready, Epona?
EPONA: Neigh.
LINK: Alright, then.
(Navi the fairy pops out of Link's hat.)
NAVI: Hey! What can I do?
LINK: SHUT UP, and keep you job!
NAVI: Why did I ever agree to work with you?
(At 2WD)
YOSHI: Ready, Pikachu?
PIKACHU: PIKA! Pika Pikachu?
2WD: I'm ready. How about you, Yoshi?
YOSHI: I was born ready.
(At the plunger car.)
LUIGI: Ready, Mario?
MARIO: No, but I'll race anyway.
(In the brown and yellow car)
TOOTY: Ready, Dixie?
DIXIE: Yeah, what about you?
TOOTY: Ready.
KIDDY: (Pops out from the back seat.) I'm ready too.
BOTH GIRLS: GAH! WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' HERE?!
KIDDY: (Licking a lollypop.) Hey, I still know about ya'll.
Besides, I've never raced in a car before.
DIXIE: And this is the REAL reason why he's in DKC 3. He just
followed me, but not today...GET OUT!
KIDDY: As you wish. (He walks out and sees the dragon head car.)
Hey, is that Donkey Kong? DONKEY KON- (The girls pull him back
in.)
KIDDY: Sheesh, make up your minds.
DIXIE: Alright, fine you can stay.
(In the dragon car.)
WARIO: What's wrong Donkey?
DK Jr.: Who me?
WARIO: Not you. The other one.
DK: (Scratching his head) I could've sworn I just heard Kiddy.
BOWSER: Ya'll ready or not?
OTHERS: Ready.
(Steve is just laying there.)
(Trevelyan's reloading his bullets. Snuggles and James Bond
reload their tanks. The Flying Krock and the Great Fox have an
angry staring contest.)
(Mumbo's preparing himself for driving. Kirby checks his car, or
TAC. Killer Instinct characters snicker to themselves.)
(The DKR bosses are taking their positions. Boggy checks his
sleigh.)
TAJ: ALL RIGHT! TIME'S UP!
KRUNCH: HEY, but the narration never got to the DKR racers yet!
DIDDY: Not to mention that mysterious car over there.
TAJ: All right, Captain Falcon?!
FALCON: Yes, Taj?
TAJ: The rest I leave to you. (Taj floats over into the
background and watches Captain Falcon with a keen eye.)
(Soflty to himself) Yeah, and you better get it right too. I've
spent too much money on this race to have it fail.
FALCON: All right, racers! START YOUR ENGINES!
(Loud engine sounds can be heard all over.)
FALCON: Open the doors to Dragon Forest! (The doors open.) DON'T
FORGET! SHOW YOUR MOVES! READY!..........SET!......GO!
(Falcon gets the heck out of the way and all of the racers speed
out into Dragon Forest, except...)
FALCON: Hey you, what're you doin'?! Didn't you hear me? It's
time to race.
STEVE: Oh I'm just givin' all of them a good head start.
FALCON: Fool. You're gonna lose.
STEVE: Don't worry. I'll catch up. Go...a...head.
FALCON: Hmph. Whatever.
TAJ: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. THIS IS RACE HAS STARTED. WERE MOVING
OUR CAMERAS TO DRAGON FOREST NOW. NOW WE'LL GET A GLIMPSE OF THE
PERSON OR TEAM THAT'S IN FIRST PLACE RIGHT NOW.
(Camera focuses)
TAJ: And it's...TREVELYAN?! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THIS FOOL IS
JUST RUNNIN' AND HE'S BEATIN' EVERYBODY. BUT WAIT A MINUTE. HERE
COMES DIDDY IN SECOND PLACE. MAYBE HE'LL STRAIGHTEN OUT THIS
SITUATION. OKAY EVERYONE, OUR RACERS HAVE MADE IT TO THE FIRST
MINI-STAGE, THE CASTLE IN BOULDER CANYON. ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS
DRIVE TO THE DRAW BRIDGE.
DIDDY: HEY, TREVELYAN! THIS IS MY RACE! GET OUT!
TREVELYAN: EAT LEAD, MONKEY!
TAJ: TREVELYAN TAKES HIS GUN AND SHOOTS THE HECK OUT OF DIDDY'S
CAR. HE'S DOWN FOR NOW.
TREVELYAN: STUPID FOOL. (He makes his way over the draw bridge
and looks at a bell) Hm, what does this do? (Trevelyan rings the
bell causing the draw bridge to rise.)
DKR SQUID: Ha! I don't NEED the draw bridge. (Goes around in the
moat.)
TAJ: The bridge is still rising. The Great Fox better hurry up so
they can get in.
FOX: We can't even fit in there.
ROB 64: Use the Arwings.
PEPPY: Hey, good idea. (The Star Fox team exit the Great Fox in
their Arwings and fly inside.)
KAZOOIE: BANJO, THE BRIDGE!
BANJO: We'll have to go flight mode.
KAZOOIE: Hm, let's try the button labeled flight mode.
(She presses the button and eggs come out from the exhaust pipe.)
WIZPIG: Hey, NO! (Wizpig slips on the eggs and begins to fall
down.)
NAVI: WATCH OUT!!
LINK: GAH! WO, EPONA! (Epona stops and Boggy slides by.)
BOGGY: Wahay...Hey what...NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (Wizpig falls on
Boggy.)
T.T.: TOO BAD!
DKR DRAGON: That's it. To Heck with this bridge!
(Dragon burns the bridge and flys by.) See ya, suckers.
BANJO: How will we get across?
KAZOOIE: Let's try a Beak Bomb.
BANJO: Press something else this time.
KAZOOOIE: All right, uh? (She randomly presses a button and the
car grows a long pair of breegull legs wearing Wading boots.)
BANJO: That'll do. (They walk cross the moat and enter the
castle.)
LINK: We're following them. (Takes out his hookshot and hooks on
Banjo's car. He put the hookshot in Epona's mouth and she was
dragged inside the castle.)
(The DKR Triceratops came around the corner and just jumped
across.)
TAJ: Since, when did he learn that move?
(The remaining DKR racers turned their cars into planes and flew
across.)
TAJ: Enough with this. Let's see some real action.
(The cameras go inside the castle.)
(Trevelyan is being chased by four Arwings shooting at him.)
SLIPPY: You won't get away that easy!
TREVELYAN: Oh yeah. (He throws a grenade up at Slippy's Arwing.)
SLIPPY: AHHH! (Slippy ejects his ship as it blow up.)
FALCO: GO FIND YOUR OWN TARGET, TREVELYAN!
(Peppy swoops down and picks up Slippy.)
SLIPPY: Whoo...that was TOO close.
(The DKR racers begin firing missiles at Peppy.)
PEPPY: They're ON me! I'm gettin' careless.
SLIPPY: Join the club.
PEPPY: What's takin' you so long, Fox?
FOX: Hey, I'm tryin' to win a race here.
TREVELYAN: What's the matter, Fox? No glib remark. No pithy
comeback.
DKR SQUID: Nope, that's MY job. (The squid throws a mine at
Trevelyan and blows him up a couple of yards back.)
DKR SQUID: And now for you. (He sprays a bunch of bubbles
everywhere entrapping them all.)
DKR SQUID: Well, see ya.
TAJ: Looks like the DKR squid takes the lead. Hey, here comes
Banjo-Kazooie and Link.
KAZOOIE: What happened to them?
LINK: Ganondorf must've got them. He used bubbles one time when I
was young.
BANJO: Should we free 'em?
KAZOOIE: Nah.
(They all leave the DKR racers and Star Fox Team to their doom.)
TAJ: It almost seems that they're eliminated.
(The DKR Triceratops ran by, saw the bubbles, and shrugged. The
DKR Dragon did the same thing.)
TAJ: All we need now is the walrus. And judging by that
earthquake sound, here he comes.
(Snuggles' tank comes drivin' by and he sees the bubbles.)
SNUGGLES: I'm not even gonna let you be that lucky. (He shot them
all down with his tank and ran over Falco's Arwing.) Take that!
TAJ: How'd you get across the moat?
SNUGGLES: Did you ever think that Wizpig makes a good bridge?
(Leaves.)
(Meanwhile Wizpig is sitting in the moat trying to regain
consciousness. Everyone has passed him.)
WIZPIG: I hate falling down. (Just then Grunty appears.)
GRUNTY: Well isn't this a sight to see. I wish I had my Polaroid
with me.
WIZPIG: Don't mock me, witch. Anyway, I've got to get back in the
race. Just delay everyone else for me.
GRUNTY: Whatever you say, tall, dark, and pork.
(Whispers) Fell down and unconscious. MAN, what a dork. (She
teleports and Wizpig looks up at where she disappeared.)
WIZPIG: Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
(The first place racers are on the road headed towards Greenwood
Village. Three of the DKR bosses are in the lead. Snuggles is
catching up to them. Two contestants are gaining.)
SNUGGLES: What's that behind me? It looks like a mix between a
vending machine and a robot version of the Energizer Bunny.
DEDEDE: HEY, I resent that remark! (He fires a drill at
Snuggles.)
SNUGGLES: UH OH! (He ducks back into the tank and it's hit by
DEDEDE's drill.) So, you like that! (He turns the top part of the
tank around.)
DEDEDE: HEY!
SNUGGLES: FIRE ONE! (He shoots a missile at Dedede.)
DEDEDE: NO!
YOSHI: PIKACHU, THUNDER BOLT ATTACK! NOW!
PIKACHU: PI-KACHU!!! (Pikachu's thunder bolt blows up the
missile.)
YOSHI: Good Work, Pikachu.
DEDEDE: Thanks, man.
YOSHI: Don't mention it. Now as for you...Pikachu, electricity
drain.
PIKACHU: Pikaaaaaaaaa! (Pikachu sucks all electricity from
Dedede's robot.)
DEDEDE: Hey, how'd you do that!
YOSHI: Little somethin' I taught 'im.
(They left Dedede stuck in his tracks.)
DEDEDE: Hey, you can't do me like this!
(T.T. comes drivin' by and sees Dedede siting there.)
DEDEDE: Hey, help me. I'm stuck.
T.T.: UNLUCKY!!
(T.T. catches up to the "moving" bunch. Yoshi, Pikachu,
and 2WD are having a hard time trying to dodge Snuggles'
missiles.)
YOSHI: 2WD, LOOK OUT!
2WD: NO! (2WD is blown up by Snuggles missle. Yoshi and Pikachu
go up into the sky.)
2WD's eyes: I hate it when that happens.
T.T.: Too bad! (Leaves)
2WD: Hrrrrrrr He'll pay for that! (2WD automatically reassembles
himself.) Ah, that's better. (Yoshi and Pikachu crash down on him
and seperate his parts again.)
YOSHI: 2WD, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE LAYIN' DOWN ON THE JOB! PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER!
PIKACHU: Pika!
2WD: Grr. Some day...some day...I'll get rich, and then I'll
quit.
DKR DRAGON: Hey, that stuffed animal's catching up.
DKR TRICERATOPS: You guys'll have to drop some items for them to
hit.
DKR SQUID: Fine by me.
(The dragon and squid throw some fireballs, mines, and bubbles to
stop the upcoming racers.)
SNUGGLES: Hahaha. You can never defeat me!
T.T.: Look behind you, chump!
SNUGGLES: (Turns around) Wha...GAHHH!!
(Snuggles' tank is hit by a whole mess of fireballs and mines.
Then, he's trapped in one of the bubbles.)
T.T.: You were saying!
SNUGGLES: Hrr! I'll GET you!
T.T.: Too bad!
TAJ: Looks like T.T. is in second place. Now he's catching up to
the DKR bosses as they enter Greenwood Village.
T.T.: All right you stickin' ugly piece o' bosses. Let's see how
you'll stand up against the STAINLESS ANALOG WATCH!
DKR DRAGON: Oh, great! It's T.T.- the fastest DKR racer.
T.T.: That's right, and I'm gonna give ya trouble.
(Back to the third and fourth place people.)
KAZOOIE: Banjo, we need to catch up. This ugly elf and his robot
pal are getting on my nerves.
SAMUS: ALL RIGHT YOU STUPID BREEGULL! TRY A TASTE O' THIS! (Samus
charges up for a Charge Shot.)
KAZOOIE: Uh oh.
BANJO: DUCK!
KAZOOIE: But I'm a breegull.
BANJO: GET DOWN, FOOL!
KAZOOIE: Well if you insist...(Kazooie jumps to the floor of the
car and starts break dancing.)
KAZOOIE: Yeah. Yahoo. Get down with my bad self.
BANJO: KAZOOIE!!
(Samus fires at the team up. Their car was hit, but flew all the
way to the first and second place racers.)
LINK: SAMUS, YOU IIIIIIIIDIOT!
SAMUS: (Covers her face up with her one hand.) I know. I know.
(Meanwhile at the DKR bosses, T.T. has taken the lead.)
T.T.: Now to win this stage. (Banjo and Kazooie's car fall on top
of his and flattens T.T.)
DKR BOSSES: TOO BAD!!
TAJ: Now Banjo and Kazooie are in first place. But wait a minute.
Here comes Link and Samus. The Great Fox is behind them.
FOX: All aircraft report.
ROB 64: Well, Slippy will never be able to fly again.
SLIPPY: NO!
ROB 64: Peppy's ship will be repaired in no time.
PEPPY: That's good.
ROB 64: Falco's ship will take some time.
FALCO: Hrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
ROB 64: Don't blame me. I'm just a worker. Fox, your ship will be
ready in a little while.
FOX: Nice work, Rob.
ROB 64: Thanks, now let's get back to the race.
(James Bond is coming behind the Great Fox. Trevelyan is sitting
on his tank.)
BOND: I hear somebody on my door.
TREVELYAN: It's me, James.
BOND: Alec?
TREVELYAN: (Jumps to the gun part of the tank.) That's right. I'm
gonna stay with you until we get ahead.
BOND: Oh no you're not.
(Bond raises the gun part of the tank and sends Trevelyan into
the sky.)
TREVELYAN: My plan worked like a charm. Now if I can just reach
the wing...
(Trevelyan trys to reach the wing of the Great Fox, but misses.)
TREVELYAN: NO! (He fell through the windshield of the Flying
Krock since it was passing by.)
KING K. ROOL: Whoa! Who are you?
BARON K. ROOLENSTEIN: Maybe you should ask questions when he's
CONSCIOUS.
KING K. ROOL: Good idea.
(Banjo and Kazooie try to maintain their lead.)
BANJO: Hey look. It's that well!
KAZOOIE: So. What's the big deal about some stupid well?
BANJO: That well is really a shortcut. (In Diddy Kong Racing, it
IS a shortcut.) If we can get in it, we'll be further ahead.
KAZOOIE: All right!
(They manage to fall inside the well.)
DKR SQUID: Where're they going?
DKR DRAGON: Maybe they're giving up.
(Epona gallops closer to the bosses.)
DKR DRAGON: Hey, it's that elf again!
DKR SQUID: That's SOME horse.
DKR DRAGON: I'll slow him down. (The dragon spits fireballs at
Link.)
NAVI: WATCH OUT!
LINK: I SEE it Navi.
NAVI: Oh.
LINK: Turn, Epona.
(Epona moves out the way.)
LINK: That dragon's got SOME fire power. Fortunately, I've dealt
with dragons before and I know just how to deal with this one.
DKR DRAGON: He's STILL behind us?! THAT'S IT! I goin' back there.
DKR TRICERATOPS: Hey, what're you doin?
DKR DRAGON: Don't worry. When one of us gets a place, we all get
a place. I'll go handle this elf fool.
(The dragon heads back to Link.)
LINK: So, you've decided to die.
DKR DRAGON: I'll take care of you.
SAMUS: I'll shoot 'im!
LINK & NAVI: YOU BETTA NOT!
SAMUS: Hey what ya'll..huh..oh..oh yeah.
DKR DRAGON: I'll see ya'll in Hades.
LINK: Oh yeah? (Link takes out his Megaton Hammer.)
DKR DRAGON: WHA! A MEGATON HAMMER?! WHERE'D YOU GET THAT FROM?!
LINK: I don't know really. Some guy left it off in a treasure
chest. I just found it.
DKR DRAGON: I'M OUTTA HERE!!
LINK: Oh no you don't!
(The dragon tries to fly away, but Link took out his Ice Arrow
and shot it at the dragon. He froze inside an ice cube.)
LINK: Now to finish you, foul lizard!
(Link rides to the ice cube and raises his hammer.)
VOICE: OH YEAH!!
LINK: (Looks back) Huh?
(The DKR walrus stomps over to Link and pushes him, Samus, and
Epona off the road. The walrus went back and shattered the dragon
free.)
DKR DRAGON: YAHOOOOOOO!! I'm free!! Thanks!!
DKR WALRUS: NO PROBLEM OL' BUDDY! C'mon let's get back in the
race.
(Back at the last place people.)
DEDEDE: Thanks for recharging my robot, Wizpig. I owe you.
WIZPIG: Save it. We need to back in the race. Looks like I'll
need my rocket after all. (Wizpig takes out his rocket and rides
on it.)
DEDEDE: Can I get a boost?
WIZPIG: Why not? (Wizpig grabs the robot and throws him a few
miles.) There, now to get out of bein' last place.
(In the middle of the race, where Dedede lands...)
YOSHI: GREAT! First Snuggles, then Donkey Kong, now Dedede. I
thought we got rid of him, too.
DEDEDE: Donkey Kong?
(A dragon headed car ahead of Dedede.)
BOWSER: Hm, King Dedede, eh? Wario, throw some bombs at him.
WARIO: Right away, Bowser. (He takes a purple bomb out and before
he throws it out he looks at it...) I'm sorry it had to come
this, Fran. I know. I know. We had some wild nights together,
didn't we? The way you shine at me in the moonlight. The way you
sparkle under the stars. You were one of the best bombs I've ever
had.
BOWSER: WARIO, THROW THE DANGED BOMB ALREADY!!!
WARIO: Oh well, there's always Rachel. (He threw the bomb out.)
DEDEDE: Uh oh. (He used his robot to kick the bomb. It flew to
the car in front of Bowser's.)
LUIGI: MARIO! LOOK OUT! IT'SA BOMB! TURN!
MARIO: WE'RE-A NOT GONNA MAKE-A IT!!!
(The plunger car rams into the bomb and gets blown off the
track.)
BOWSER: Hm, not what I wanted, but it'll do.
PIKACHU: Pika pika chu pika chu pika.
YOSHI: Not a bad idea, Pikachu.
(Yoshi makes 2WD honk and the motorcycle jumps onto the mouth
part of Bowser's car.)
BOWSER: Hey, get off my car! You'll ruin the paint job!
YOSHI: Make us!
BOWSER: All right!
YOSHI: Brace yourself, Pikachu.
PIKACHU: Pika!
(Bowser opens the mouth sending Yoshi, Pikachu, and 2WD far
ahead.)
BOWSER: Whoops.
YOSHI: Thanks guys. Pikachu, what place are we in?
(Pikachu takes out a Diddy Kong Racing Dex.)
DKR DEX: RIGHT-NOW-YOU-ARE-IN-ELEVENTH-PLACE!
YOSHI: Who's ahead of us?
DKR DEX: FIRST-IS-BANJO-KAZOOIE-THEN-DKR-BOSSES-THEN-
GREAT-FOX-THEN-FLYING-KROCK-THEN-TREVELYAN-THEN-JAMES-
BOND-THEN-LINK-THEN-MYSTERY-CAR-THEN-BROWN-YELLOW-CAR-
THEN-T.T.-THEN-YOU.
YOSHI: T.T., eh? No problem.
PIKACHU: PIKA PI PIKACHU!!
YOSHI: I don't see any spilled oil...hey!!
(2WD slips on T.T.'s spilled oil and skids around in circle.)
YOSHI: Oh, he'll pay for that one.
T.T.: You'll never catch me!
(T.T. rams into the back of James Bond's parked tank.)
YOSHI: (Stops 2WD.) Bond, what's goin' on?
BOND: Everyone has stopped except for the flying vehicles.
There's a sign up ahead that says "Watch for moving Nintendo
64 logos."
YOSHI: Watch for what?
(A Nintendo 64 logo walks its way across the street. It stops in
the middle and watches a Buzzbomb from Banjo- Kazooie fly by. The
logo shruggs whatever shoulders it has and walks to the other
side. A Rareware logo pops up in the middle of the street and the
Buzzbomb flys into it from behind. The Rareware logo disappears
and the Buzzbomb falls down and dies.)
BANJO: So that's where that intro came from.
TAJ: Well now that that's over, all racers except the Great Fox
and Flying Krock are in one group and about are to drive again.
Wait a minute. What's this?
WIZPIG: Good thing I can fly. (Wizpig rides his rocket passed all
of them.)
BANJO: Hey, come back here!
MASTER HAND: Wait for me! (He flies after Wizpig.)
TAJ: Wizpig's in third place. What a remarkable come back! Master
Hand's right behind him.
(Let's check out the first place racers.)
ROB 64: Flying Krock is gaining.
PEPPY: Shoot it down.
SLIPPY: Charge your weapons, first.
ROB 64: Okay.
(Inside the Flying Krock)
TREVELYAN: (Pointing his gun at the K. Rools) Who or what are
you?
KAPTAIN: (Pointing his gun at Trevelyan) I be Kaptain K. Rool.
This o'er here is King K. Rool and o'er here is Baron K.
Roolenstein.
BARON: It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
TREVELYAN: Not for me. Prepare to die.
KING: Wait wait. Is that any way to treat work associates?
TREVELYAN: What're you talking about?
KAPTAIN: C'mon now. We all be bosses from Rareware games.
TREVELYAN: I don't remember you.
BARON: That's because you were created in a later, but popular,
game.
KING: Yeah, I mean who doesn't know you?!
(Just then the Flying Krock was shot with a barage of laser
shots. The Flying Krock shakes back and forth.)
KAPTAIN: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?!
SOME KREMLING: WE'VE BEEN SHOT, CAP'N! THE GREAT FOX HAS OPENED
FIRE!
KING: ARE WE GONNA DIE?!
KREMLING: FORTUNATELY, NO! NOT UNLESS WE MANAGE TO POWER UP THE
MAIN ENGINES AND STOP THEIR FIRE POWER!
(A few shots knocks out the Flying Krocks cannons.)
KING: Were doomed.
TREVELYAN: I CAN STOP THEIR FIRE POWER! ALL I NEED IS TO GET
ABOARD!
(He starts to walk off until...)
BARON: WAIT, TREVELYAN!
TREVELYAN: WHAT?!
BARON: I SUGGEST A TEMPORARY ALLIANCE!
TREVELYAN: WHY?
KING: RIGHT NOW, WE BOTH HATE STAR FOX AND WISH TO BRING HIM
DOWN!
KAPTAIN: MY GUN HAS TELEPORTATION ABILITIES! I CAN BEAM OURSELVES
OVER THERE!
TREVELYAN: IN THAT CASE, I APPROVE!
(They all teleport to the Great Fox. Now, the racers have made it
to Windmill Plains. In first place is the Great Fox followed by
the Flying Krock, Wizpig, and Master Hand.)
TAJ: THAT WAS ALL MY LINES!!
(I know. Anyway, Taj angrily munches on that "burger"
and in fifth place is...)
KIDDY: Can't this TUB go any faster?
TOOTY: And I thought I was a nuissance.
DIXIE: Be quiet, Kiddy. Finish those lollypops I gave you.
KIDDY: Hey you can't talk to me that way!
DIXIE: Oh yes I can.
TOOTY: Stop you two. The Master Hand is getting away.
DIXIE: What'cha tellin' US for? You're drivin'!
TOOTY: Oh yeah.
KIDDY: A nuissance AND stupid.
TOOTY: Hey, SHUT UP!!
KIDDY: MAKE ME, BUTT UGLY!!
TOOTY: WHAT?! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THE REASON OF MY ENTIRE
EXISTENCE IS TO HAVE OL' GRUNTILDA TRY AND STEAL MY LOOKS!!
KIDDY: WHY? SO SHE CAN MATCH A DATE WITH FREDDY KRUGER?
(Dixie busts out laughing.)
TOOTY: HE'S WORSE THAN KAZOOIE!
KIDDY: (Looks up in the rear-view mirror.) Well, speak o' the
devil!
GIRLS: WHAT?! (The look in the rear-view mirror and see the
reflection of Banjo-Kazooie's car catching up.)
BANJO: We need to pass. Shoot 'em down, Kazooie.
KAZOOIE: With pleasure.
(Kazooie presses the windshield button and two egg missiles shoot
the girls and Kiddy off the road.)
(Banjo and Kazooie pass by putting them in fifth place.)
DIXIE: Anyone got any bright ideas?
KIDDY: I got one. Get Tooty a mask.
TOOTY: "RRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!"
KIDDY: Hey, you can roar. Maybe you'll make a good bear afterall.
DIXIE: Hey, who's the cute guy in the green skirt riding the
horse?
(Link passes by, notices them on the side of the road, shruggs,
and continues. Suddenly, he discovers...)
LINK: Windmills? Hmmmmmmm.
SAMUS: Hey, what're you thinkin'?
LINK: Wo, Epona. (Epona stops)
SAMUS: What're you doing?
LINK: I'll be right back.
(Link runs inside the windmill.)
LINK: Yeah, this'll do.
VOICE: "GASP" YOU!!!!!
LINK: (Turns around) "GASP" NO!
WINDMILL GUY FROM ZELDA 64: I THOUGHT I GOT AWAY FROM YOU!!
LINK: What're you doin' here?
WINDMILL GUY: This is my NEW windmill. I had to relocate after
you messed up my old one for the second time.
LINK: Well, sorry, but I have to borrow this one.
(Takes out his ocarina.)
WINDMILL GUY: I won't let you!! (He pounces to Link, but Link
dodges. The windmill guy lays motionless on the floor.)
LINK: (Looks at the guy, points down to him, and impersonates
Shao Kahn's voice) That was TOO ea-sy.
(Plays the Song of Storms.)
(Huge thunder storm appears in the sky. Windmills spin like
crazy.)
SAMUS: What the HECK has he done?!
(Link comes running out using his Hylian shield like an
umbrella.)
SAMUS: You fool. I'll rust.
LINK: You'll survive. Besides, I've got some spare oil. Here.
SAMUS: Thanks. (Link climbs on Epona.)
LINK: Like Mr. Ingo would say before HIS horse runs....(Raises
his arm up.) WuuuAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
(And Epona takes off.)
(2WD drives by the windmills.)
YOSHI: A thunder storm? BIG mistake, right Pikachu?
PIKACHU: Pika.
2WD: Muddy...dirt...hard to...keep...traction...
YOSHI: Uh-oh.
PIKACHU: Pi-ka.
(2WD falls down and slides into the middle of the road along with
Yoshi and Pikachu.)
YOSHI: Whoever made that thunder storm knew what they were doin'.
PIKACHU: Piiiii......
(Drumstick and Pipsy are ahead of the other DKR racers, but they
are in twelveth and thirteenth place.)
PIPSY: (In harmony) Whatever you can do, I can do better than
you....
DRUMSTICK: No you can't.
PIPSY: Yes I can.
DRUMSTICK: No you can't.
PIPSY: Yes I can.
DRUMSTICK: No you can't.
PIPSY: Sure I can.
(They race even further down the road and pass the mysterious
car.)
MYSTERY MAN: Huh?
PIPSY: Ready to stop?
DRUMSTICK: (Faking) Ha ha ha (Frowns) Let's go. (They drive
passed Snuggles' tank trying to beat each other.)
DRUMSTICK: Whatever you can be, I can be greater.
(They start to slow down a bit to rest their cars.)
DRUMSTICK: Had enough?
(Pipsy immediately steps on the gas.)
DRUMSTICK: Hey! (Drives after her.)
(They both drive passed a few more vehicles and wind up in sixth
and seventh place. They start trying to push each other off the
road.)
DRUMSTICK: I'm not stoppin'.
PIPSY: I'm not stoppin'.
DRUMSTICK: I'm not stoppin'.
PIPSY: (Pushes harder) I'm..not..stoppin'.
(Drumstick goes off the track.)
DRUMSTICK: (In pain.) Aw!
(Now, let's take a look at some movement in the Great Fox.)
(Inside the Great Fox, four figures run down the looooong
hallway. The camera angle moves to one of them. Words appear at
the bottom and says "King K. Rool". Cameras move to
another person and words say "Kaptain K. Rool". Then
they move to another person. Words say "Baron K.
Roolenstein". Last, cameras move to a figure way ahead of
the other three. Words say "Alec Trevelyan". They all
run into the darkness.)
(Meanwhile at the third and fourth place racers...)
WIZPIG: It just so happens that I LIKE rain and mud, unlike you.
MASTER HAND: You gotta help me. I'm vulnerable to water.
WIZPIG: (Looks around for Taj and puts his arm around Master
Hand.) All right, here's the deal. You help me defeat the DKR
racers and I'll get you outta the rain. Deal?
MASTER HAND: Deal.
(Wizpig makes an umbrella appear and gives it to Master Hand.)
MASTER HAND: Thanks.
WIZPIG: Don't forget our deal.
MASTER HAND: Yeah yeah yeah.
LINK: Oh shoot! It's Master Hand!
SAMUS: Why's he holding an umbrella?
LINK: AN OPPORTUNITY!!!
(Link digs into his tunic.)
SAMUS: Disgusting.
LINK: Where else can I put all o' my stuff? Aw, here it is. The
Light Arrow.
SAMUS: Light Arrow?
LINK: Watch and learn.
(Link aims the Light Arrow and fires it at Master Hand. Master
Hand is hit and he shakes there frozen in mid- air.)
LINK: C'mon Epona. Hyah!!
EPONA: Neigh!
(Epona runs under Master Hand.)
PIPSY: Whoa. That sure is a big hand.
(She drives under it carefully.)
(In the first cave of Windmill Plains)
KIRBY: TAC, what place are we?
TAC: According to my sensors.....twenty-ninth place.
KIRBY: Great, so who's BEHIND us?
BOGGY: Wa..hay...ow.
KIRBY: Oh.
TAC: Hey, you in front of us.
MUMBO: What's happnin'- Who dis'here?
BOTTLES, BRENTY, KIRBY, TAC, AND BOGGY: HUH?!!!
MUMBO: Oops, that's street slang. I mean, who bubble gum one?
KIRBY: I'm not bubble gum. Anyway, how about lettin' us pass?
MUMBO: Mumbo trying to win race. Sorry.
KIRBY: C'mon.
MUMBO: No.
KIRBY: Fine, you asked for it.
(TAC drives up close to Mumbo. Kirby sucks him up and steals his
ability.)
MORTAL KOMBAT 4 VOICE: FATALITY!!!!!
BOTTLES: Hey, what'd you do with Mumbo?!
KIRBY: Wait a minute. Let me take this ugly mask off first. (He
tries and can't.) Hey, the mask won't come off!
BRENTY: (Taking the wheel since Mumbo's gone) You have to defeat
my sister to do it.
KIRBY: Who's that?
BRENTY: You don't wanna know.
BOTTLES: What'd you do to Mumbo?
KIRBY: Oh, uh...I devoured 'im.
BRENTY: WHAT?!
BOTTLES: THAT'S BARBARIC!!!
KIRBY: Funny, HAL Labs find it kinda cute.
BOTTLES: WHERE'S MY FRIEND?!
KIRBY: He's gone. See ya. Bye bye. Finito. Finished. That's all
folks. In other words, he's off to a better place.
BOTTLES: NO! BRING HIM BACK!
KIRBY: NO TIME FOR THAT! GOTTA A RACE TO WIN! Uh,
OMINOWAGILUOMINOWAGILU-OOGINOK!!
(TAC turns into a road runner.)
KIRBY: All right, let's go, TAC!
TAC: Beep beep!
(They speed away and left the others in a pile of dust.)
LINK: Alright, the Flying Krock. That's the one in second place.
SAMUS: Think we can pass it?
LINK: Right now, they're a little busy with Great Fox trying to
shoot them down. I think we can sneak passed them.
(As Link goes on to being first place, inside the Great Fox...)
FALCO: HEY, WHERE DID ALL THE RAIN COME FROM?!
ROB 64: IT'S HARD TO SEE BECAUSE OF IT.
FOX: What a time to be without windshield wipers.
SLIPPY: "Sniff" My ship.
PEPPY: C'mon, Slippy. It was JUST a ship.
SLIPPY: THAT SHIP AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER! WE'VE
SURVIVED MANY DANGERS AND CATASTROPHES! IT WAS MY VERY BEST
ARWING AND I'LL NEVER FORGET IT, SO DON'T SPOIL THE SACRIFICE!
OKAY?!!
TREVELYAN: OH, BUT IT ALREADY IS SPOILED, YEEEEESSSS!
FOX: HEY, HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE?!
KAPTAIN: THAT WOULD BE ME.
KING: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!
BARON: MAKE THAT QUADRUPLE!
KAPTAIN: TO...UM...UH...OH WELL, IT'S A STUPID INTRO ANYWAY! JUST
PREPARE TO FIGHT!
STAR FOX TEAM: ALL RIGHT!
TAJ: Well, Link is in first place now. We've reached Haunted
Woods- the final mini-stage.
(Just thought I'd let you readers know. NOW FOR SOME ACTION!!)
SLIPPY: I got the destroyer of my ship.
PEPPY: I got the pirate.
FALCO: I'll take on the one with the crown.
FOX: Guess that means I got Frankenstein.
BARON: THAT'S BARON-K-ROOLENSTEIN!
FOX: Whatever.
TREVELYAN: So, the punk frog wants a piece o' me? Ha, I won't
NEED my AR33.
SLIPPY: GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT!
(Trevelyan takes his fist and jabs. Slippy slaps the fist away
and comes in with punch of his own. Trevelyan is hit. He kneed
Slippy in the head. Slippy staggered and shook his head.
Trevelyan overheaded Slippy and he's knocked flat on the floor.)
TREVELYAN: From the cradle to the grave. YOUR GRAVE, SWAMP BOY!
SLIPPY: SWAMP BOY!!
FOX: Uh-oh, he called 'im Swamp Boy.
(Slippy takes out his laser gun and rapidly fires at Trevelyan.)
TREVELYAN: OOH... OH... UOHHT... HM... HMMM... HOOAH... HUU...
HUA... HAAHHHOOOAH... WIT...WHIT... OOH... HUIT!!
FOX: WHAT THE HECK?!
TREVELYAN: All males say that in Goldeneye.
(Fox is hit by Baron.)
FOX: Ow.
BARON: More where that came from.
FOX: BRING IT ON!
BARON: Very well.
(Baron takes out his remote, presses the button, and starts
flying on his helicopter thing.)
FOX: That's not fair.
(Baron soars down to Fox. Fox blocks. Baron unleashes rapid
punches among Fox. When he stopped, Fox was okay. Fox jumped up
and slammed Baron on the ground. Baron stood up and Fox is
waitin' for him.)
FOX: (Taunts) C'mon.
(Baron runs over to Fox and gives lefts and rights. Fox blocks
every single one of them. Baron tries to reverse the order of
lefts and rights, and Fox isn't fooled. Baron grabs Fox's hand.
Fox head butts Baron. Then he knees Baron in the head. Fox puts a
non-stop combo on Baron.)
(Peppy is strangled by Kaptain. Peppy reaches for his gun, but
Kaptain slaps it away.)
KAPTAIN: So, you wanna gun, eh?
(Kaptain takes his gun and shoots Peppy with cannonballs. Peppy
is tired and can barely stand up. Kaptain is still shooting him
with cannonballs.)
KAPTAIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
FALCO: So what'cha just standin' there for, King? Do somethin'.
KING: Uh...
(King K. Rool takes off his crown and throws it at Falco. The
crown falls short of Falco.)
FALCO: C'mon! Is that the best you can do?
KING: Um, yes.
FALCO: PATHETIC! You are OBVIOUSLY the FIRST last boss in the
Donkey Kong Country series.
KING: Yeah, that's me.
FALCO: How boring! (Falco looks up in the sky, takes out his gun,
and points it at King K. Rool.)
KING: NO!
(Falco fires a bunch of times at King K. Rool. King K. Rool is
now a burned up piece of mass lying on the floor.)
FALCO: Where's the "FATALITY"? I guess he's not dead.
KING: (Feeling the extreme pain)
"GAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSP"
SLIPPY: FOX, GET THIS GUY OFF ME!!
(Trevelyan has a choke hold on Slippy while forcing his weight
upon Slippy.)
FOX: I'm kinda BUSY right know, Slippy!
(Baron has Fox on the floor. Fox is trying his best to keep
Baron's mouth closed so he won't get eaten.)
FOX: Why don't you guys ever help ME out, or ask each OTHER when
you're in trouble?!
SLIPPY: HEY I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!! FALCO, HELP ME OUT!!
FALCO: Why?
SLIPPY: Why? Isn't being your friend good enough?
FALCO: No.
SLIPPY: Uh, I'll put you in my will.
FALCO: WHAT?! YOU MEAN I'M NOT IN YOUR WILL NOW?!
SLIPPY: Whoops.
FALCO: That's it. I'm helpin' Peppy.
(Meanwhile in the Haunted Woods, the first place people try to
avoid the ghosts.)
LINK: I would attempt to destroy these dead creatures, but I have
to steer. I can't even play the Sun Song.
SAMUS: Let me play it.
(Link hands her the ocarina.)
LINK: Okay, but you have to play it a certain way...
SAMUS: Yeah yeah yeah.
(Samus plays Zelda's lullaby.)
LINK: Wrong song, Samus.
SAMUS: Uh...
(Samus plays Epona's song. Epona runs around in circles trying to
find the one who played it.)
LINK: SamUUUUUUSSSS?!!! Epona STOP! (She stops.) Let's go, Epona!
(Epona runs forward again, but this time other cars are catching
up.)
SAMUS: We got company!
TAC: BEEP BEEP!
KIRBY: Link! Samus! What's up?
LINK: Kirby? Is that you?
KIRBY: What? Oh, the mask. I CAN'T GET THIS STUPID THING OFF!
SAMUS: That's Mumbo's mask.
NAVI: The shaman from Banjo-Kazooie?
LINK: Kirby, you didn't!
KIRBY: Oh, yes I did.
(Banjo-Kazooie and Pipsy are a few feet behind them.)
BANJO: EAT MY FRIEND, WILL HE?!
KAZOOIE: So long, Mumbo! I wish I could say it's been nice
knowin' ya, but....
BANJO: KAZOOIE!!!
KAZOOIE: WHAT?!
PIPSY: The shaman guy was your friend?
BANJO: Yeah.
KAZOOIE: No.
PIPSY: Let's team up against them.
BANJO: Alright!
(They all reach the castle.)
GRUNTY: YOU ALL DRIVE FASTER THAN YOU LOOK! DID YOU EVEN READ THE
DRIVING INSTRUCTION BOOK?!
LINK: Who....
GRUNTY: GRUNTILDA'S THE NAME...BEING A WITCH IS MY GAME!
WIZPIG: (Whispers) About time she showed up.
GRUNTY: The castle in Haunted Woods is the part that's last, but
the drawbridge is up. Let's see you pass. And suppose that if you
DO get through, a surprise on the inside is waiting for you.
WIZPIG: Good thing I can fly OVER the castle. See ya later,
worms.
(Wizpig flys over the castle. Dedede comes in from behind.)
DEDEDE: What's up, chumps?
LINK: The witch up there closed up the castle.
KIRBY: Excuse me, Gruntilda? You must know a lot. Do you know
Brenty's sister so I can kill her right quick?
GRUNTY: I sure do bubble gum guy. Her name's Kazooie- Banjo's
ally.
KIRBY: (Turns to Kazooie) All right, Kazooie, your days are
numbered.
KAZOOIE: She's LYING!
KIRBY: I doubt that some how. Besides, with your attitude, you'd
make a perfect witch.
PIPSY: Can we concentrate on crossing the moat?
KIRBY: Man, I can handle that. OMINOWAGILUOMINOWAGILU- OOGINOK!!
(The drawbridge comes back down.)
KIRBY: See. No problem. NOW, AS FOR KAZOOIE...
(They all left Kirby.)
KIRBY: Hey!
(Kirby goes after them. Inside the castle is Metaknight on a high
platform.)
DEDEDE: METAKNIGHT!! Haha. Ya'll are in for it now.
(Metaknight takes his sword, points at the group with it, jumps,
and disappears.)
DEDEDE: Hey, where's he goin'?
(A few of Metaknight's troops come out from the shadows.)
DEDEDE: WHAT?! THAT OL' PUNK JUST GONNA SEND SOME FLUNKIES ON
US?!
LINK: I was lookin' FORWARD to fight with him, too. He's nothing
but a chicken. BANJO: CHICKEN!!!!
KAZOOIE: BAWK BAWK BAWK CLUCK CLUCK BAWK BAWK, HEY, WAIT A
MINUTE! I'M INSULTING MY COUSINS!
FLUNKIES: PREPARE YOURSELVES!!
(Back in the Great Fox, Falco had already shot up Kaptain K. Rool
who is now burned up on the floor.)
(Baron has his teeth clinched on Fox's arm. Fox uses his
reflector move on Baron which knocks him a few feet back.)
BARON: Ow. (When he tries to get up, Fox uses the Fire Fox move
on him and sends Baron back another few feet.)
FALCO: You're outnumbered, future luggage.
(Baron looks around and sees his brothers lying on the floor in
pain. Then up at Fox, Falco, and a beat up, yet standing, Peppy.)
BARON: "Gasp" Three against one. (The three take out
their laser guns and aim at Baron.) YOU WON'T GET ME!!!!!
(Baron jumps out the way without looking and flies into a wall
knocking him out cold. The Star Fox Team shruggs.)
FOX: There's one more to go.
TREVELYAN: What happened to my allies?
FALCO: You think you got allies? You got NOTHIN'!
TREVELYAN: Since you put that way... (He takes out a grenade and
throws it at the three. They dodge the explosion and Trevelyan
runs out the room. The Star Fox Team shot him a couple of times,
but didn't even phase him.)
FOX: I'll go it alone from here.
SLIPPY: OH NO YOU WON'T!!! (Slippy leaps ahead of Fox and runs
after Trevelyan.)
FOX: SLIPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
PEPPY: Let 'im go, Fox. He knows what he's doin'.
FALCO: Yeah, gettin' revenge for some stupid ship.
(As soon as Slippy turns a corner, Trevelyan immediately shoots
at him. Slippy dodged the bullets and shot Trevelyan.)
TREVELYAN: (As he runs away) You could have joined me, Slippy,
but you had to side with these pen pushers.
(Slippy runs after him hearing Trevelyan's voice echo through the
halls.)
TREVELYAN'S VOICE: Always loyal to your ship, never your friends.
SLIPPY: Grrrrrrrrrrrr.......
(Slippy's more determined to kill Trevelyan.)
TREVELYAN'S VOICE: Slippy the geek, Nintendo's loyal terrior- you
sicken me.
(Slippy turns a corner and is caught in an explosion by a
grenade.)
SLIPPY: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
(Slippy's hurt but manages to get up. He continues his pursuit.)
TREVELYAN'S VOICE: You never give, do you? Pathetic really.
(Slippy turns another corner and Trevelyan shoots at him with all
he's got. Slippy runs left and right to dodge the bullets.)
TREVELYAN: You will never win, Slippy.
(Slippy tries his best to shoot Trevelyan, but he couldn't get in
a good clean shot. Eventually, Trevelyan runs out of bullets and
Slippy shoots him. Trevelyan runs.)
TREVELYAN: Finish the job, Slippy- if you can.
SLIPPY: Grrr I'll show you.
(Slippy follows him to platform being lowered to outside beneath
the Great Fox. Trevelyan jumps on the platform and says...)
TREVELYAN: I was always better, Slippy.
SLIPPY: YOUR carcass is MINE!
(Slippy jumps down after him. When he lands, Trevelyan gets as
much distance as he can and fires at Slippy. Slippy ducked in
time and shot the AR33 from Trevelyan's hand. The gun fell in
front of Slippy and he picked it up. Trevelyan stood there.)
TREVELYAN: For your ship, Slippy?
SLIPPY: No. For me.
(Slippy shoots Trevelyan off the platform.)
SLIPPY: I GOT ONE!!
(Slippy's friends were looking at the whole thing on their video
screens.)
FOX: Did YOU see THAT?!!
PEPPY: Slippy's not such a screw up after all.
SLIPPY: (Sarcastic) Thanks a lot, Peppy.
FOX: You can hear us?
SLIPPY: Nintendo works in mysterious ways.
FOX: Rob, what place are we in now?
ROB 64: Right now we are in tenth place.
FOX: Great, Trevelyan and the K. Rools delayed us.
ROB 64: We are sitting here right above a castle.
Wizpig and the Flying Krock are in the lead.
FOX: DANG!
PEPPY: DARN IT!
FALCO: CRUD!
SLIPPY: MAN!
ROB 64: Uh......FIDDLESTICKS!!
STAR FOX TEAM: Fiddlesticks?
(Let's check out inside of the castle. More racers have come to
help fight off Metaknight's men. It was very easy because of...)
PIKACHU: PIKACHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(See what I mean.)
METAKNIGHT'S MEN: -Dzzzzzzzzzt- YEOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
KAZOOIE: Do you guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
ONE TROOP: NEVER!!!!!!
YOSHI: I'm startin' to get hungry. Maybe I'll just have a little
snack. (Yoshi's tongue laps up half of the troops.)
ONE TROOP: MY FRIENDS!!!!!!
KIRBY: Ready to stop?
(The troop throws a spear at Kirby and knocked him far away
enough for his Mumbo magic to weaken for TAC. TAC. turned back
into a wheelie.)
KIRBY: Hey.
LINK: Okay, Samus. Use your Charge Shot.
SAMUS: All right!
(Samus charges up. The troops try to figure out what she's doing.
When at full blast, Samus fires at the troops leaving only one of
them to stand in the way.)
LINK: NOW ONLY YOU STAND IN THE WAY OF MY TWO MILLION
DOLLARS!!!!!
PIKACHU: PIKA!
(The last troop runs outside the castle to get a good distance
before they attack.)
TROOP: There! Now if you attack me, I'll see it comin'.
LINK: I'll handle this.
(Epona gallops closer until...)
NAVI: LISTEN!!!
LINK: What?
NAVI: Watch for the shadows of falling bodies coming from the
sky.
TROOP: What is she talking about?
(Suddenly, Trevelyan falls hard on the last troop.)
KAZOOIE: Ew.
MORTAL KOMBAT 4 VOICE: ELIMINATION!!!!!!!
TAJ: Hey, someone just got eliminated.
MORTAL KOMBAT 4 VOICE: FATALITY!!!!!! Times 2.
TAJ: And died apparantly.
(Link wastes no time taking the opportunity to be ahead of
everyone else.)
TAJ: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LINK IS IN THIRD PLACE! But, ahead of
him is Wizpig, and then the Flying Krock.
WIZPIG: LET ME PASS!! I COMMAND YOU!!
KLUMP: Who are you?
WIZPIG: The name's WIZPIG!!
KLUMP: WIZPIG? The one from Diddy Kong Racing?
WIZPIG: Right!
KLUMP: The one who invaded Timber's Island?
WIZPIG: In the flesh!
KLUMP: The one that tried to kill a certain crocodile named
Krunch?!
WIZPIG: You're lookin' right at 'im!!
KLUMP: ALL KREMLINGS, OPEN FIRE!!!!!
WIZPIG: HEY!!
(The kremlings took out their bazookas, cannons, barrel
launchers, or whatever and fired them at Wizpig. Wizpig is
massively hurt and falls to the concrete.)
KLUMP: We did it. We took down the pig.
(At that moment, the Flying Krock began being caught in an ice
cube.)
KLUMP: HEY, what the?
(He looks down to see Link with his bow aimed at them.)
KLUMP: Oh, great!
(The Flying Krock tries its best to stay in the air long enough
before they cross the finish line. Link and Samus easily ride
passed them.)
TAJ: I...don't believe this. The horse ridin' fool is in first
place, and the finish line is just about a half a mile on top of
that hill.
LINK: Hear that, Samus?
SAMUS: Right! We're gonna be first place of the first stage.
We'll have a BIG start on winning.
LINK: C'mon, let's hurry. HAI YA!!!
(Epona runs faster and faster. Soon, in the distance they can see
the finish line.)
LINK: YES!!!!
(But...)
LINK: Oh no no NO NO NO NOOO NOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
SAMUS: What?
LINK: LOOK!
SAMUS: HEY WHAT THE?!
NAVI: BUT.....HOW?
TAJ: HOW THE HECK?!!!
VICE VERSA: (Floating there above the finish line with the
checkered flag.) I know I know. I was surprised too. (If you want
to know what happened, right on top of the finish line is Steve
sitting there huffing and puffing.)
STEVE: You...huff...did...puff...better...huff...this
time...but...huff...I still...puff...beat you...huff...by...one
second...puff.
LINK: NOOOOO!!!!!
TAJ: HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!!!!
SAMUS: Can you teach ME?
STEVE: I'm...huff...not about...to...puff...give away...huff...my
secrets...puff...well...see ya...huff...later...puff.
(Steve gets to his feet and runs passed the finish line.)
LINK: IIIIIII hate him.
SAMUS: C'mon, we might as well settle for second place.
LINK: "Sigh" Fine.
TAJ: (Still shocked) Well folks, it seems as if STEVE has won
this stage. Link is in second place instead.
(Yoshi, Pikachu, and 2WD drive up next.)
TAJ: Here comes Yoshi and his friends. And they are third place
of this race.
(After everyone, except Trevelyan, has successfully crossed the
finish line, Taj has made the following announcements.)
TAJ: All right, people. The first stage is over. Now let's take a
look at the winning stats. Okay, first is Steve with 30, then
Link with 29, Yoshi with 28, Banjo- Kazooie with 27, Pipsy with
26, the Flying Krock with 25, Master Hand with 24, Dedede with
23, Wizpig with 22, and Star Fox with 21. Next is Kirby with 20,
DKR bosses with 19, Drumstick with 18, Mystery Car with 17,
Bowser DKs Wario with 16, Snuggles with 15, James Bond with 14,
Killer Instinct with 13, Mario bros. with 12, and brown and
yellow car with 11. After that is T.T. with 10, Bumper with 9,
Conker with 8, Diddy with 7, Tiptup with 6, Timber with 5, Krunch
with 4, Bottles with 3, and Boggy with 2. No 1 since Trevelyan's
gone. I can't believe everyone's beating Diddy Kong Racing at
their own game. C'mon ya'll.
BOND: Can we have a moment of silence for Trevelyan? He WAS my
friend.
SLIPPY and KAZOOIE: Mmmmmmmm Nah!
BOND: Oh well.
TAJ: Let's go to the Chance Times.
(Three rolling blocks appear above them.)
TAJ: Let's have uhhhhh.... Diddy start off.
DIDDY: Okay.
(Diddy walks over to the first block and hits it revealing
Diddy's face. Next, he hit the third that revealed Kirby's face.)
KIRBY: HEY, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!
(Diddy hits the middle block revealing a trade in points.)
KIRBY: Hey, NO!
TAJ: And Diddy and Kirby will trade their points.
KIRBY: NO I WON'T!
TAJ: You have no choice! Vice Versa, do your stuff.
(Vice Versa switches Diddy and Kirby's points. Diddy does a
victory dance while Kirby falls down and hurts himself.)
TAJ: Alright, I guess we'll let STEVE do the next one.
STEVE: A pleasure.
(Steve hits the first one revealing Kazooie.)
KAZOOIE: Uh oh.
(Steve hits the third one revealing....Gruntilda?!)
ALL: HUH?!
(Uh...okay, Steve hits the middle one to reveal a trade in
looks.)
TAJ: It looks like Gruntilda and Kazooie will trade their looks.
GRUNTY: I keep on hearing my name! What's happenin' Peanut Brain?
TAJ: You and Kazooie will switch looks. Go, Vice Versa.
KAZOOIE: Hey, I didn't agree to this!
(Vice Versa switches Gruntilda and Kazooie's looks, but...)
VICE VERSA: Funny, they still look exactly the same. I KNOW I
made the switch.
TAJ: Do you know what this means?
VICE VERSA: Yeah. It means that both Kazooie and Gruntilda have
the same kind of looks, but Gruntilda is BUTT-UGLY!!
TAJ: I guess that means Kazooie's butt-ugly too!
KAZOOIE: HEY!
(Everyone, including me, laughs at Kazooie.)
KAZOOIE: Hey, YOU can't laugh! You're the author!
(I do what I please, and I find this hysterical.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!)
KAZOOIE: Oh yeah?
BOTTLES: GREAT! I now have something I can say about Kazooie and
she can't argue because it's a PROVEN FACT!
KAZOOIE: Ohhhhh.....
TAJ: One more. How about Mario?
MARIO: All right.
(The first block is a Star Fox symbol. The third is the Flying
Krock.)
FOX: Hey!
(The middle shows two K. Rool heads with an arrow pointing to the
Flying Krock.)
TAJ: Now Star Fox will give back the kremlings two K. Rools.
FOX: All right, which two K. Rools do you guys wanna give them?
SLIPPY: Keep Baron. His brains can help us out.
PEPPY: Okay by me.
FOX: Very well. (To Vice Versa) We'll give back Kaptain and King.
(Star Fox gave back Kaptain and King.)
TAJ: There. Now we're officially finished with the Chance Times.
Get ready for the next course. It'll start in an hour.
BOTTLES: HEY, BUTT-UGLY KAZOOIE!!
KAZOOIE: Don't call me that!
BOTTLES: But that's what you are. You can't deny it. BUTT-UGLY!!
BUTT-UGLY!!
KAZOOIE: Leave me alone, Jam jars.
BOTTLES: Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will
hurt you instead, BUTT-UGLY!!
KAZOOIE: BANJO, MAKE 'IM STOP!!
BANJO: All right, Bottles. Leave Butt-ugly alone.
KAZOOIE: Et tu, Banjo?
(He's not the ONLY one!!)
BUTT-UGLY: HEY, CHANGE MY NAME BACK!!!
(I kinda like it this way.)
BUTT-UGLY: C'mon!
(Mmmmmmmmm nah!)
BUTT-UGLY: WHAT?!
BANJO: How's it feel to get your just desserts?
(Not a good fanfiction for YOU, Butt-ugly.)
BUTT-UGLY: C'mon! Change my name back.
(Hey, don't make me REVERSE the words in your NEW name.)
BUTT-UGLY: I'll be good!
(Mm. I guess I can take your word for it.)
KAZOOIE: YAHOOOOOOO!!!!!! I got my name back!
BANJO: Be grateful.
KAZOOIE: Thank you!! (Turns around and whispers.)
YougreatbiggoodfornothinstupidArsenialHalllookin'...
(Kazooie!!)
BUTT-UGLY: WHA...HEY!!
(Everyone laughs.)
KAZOOIE: CHANGE MY NA- Oh did that already.
BANJO: C'mon, let's not waste this perfectly good hour to get
ready.
BOTTLES: Yeah let's go.
BUTT-UGLY: Wait for m- HEY!!!!!!
(Muhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!)